Starting with the basics

It's back to the drawing board and getting back to the habits I know work. 5am this morning was brutal. I actually slept in till 6, then dragged myself out of bed. I was angry for having to be up and that carried over into my attempt to run. Molly was pulling all over and my frustration grew with how shitty running made me feel. I stopped after a block because I realized I was yelling at my poor dog. It's not easy to run with a dog. You have to pay attention and can't zone out. They mess up your stride. And I was so frustrated about how much fitness I've lost. So we walked, which was still good for me.

My health is suffering. I realized it today as I had a pounding headache at 2pm and it got so bad, I thought I was going to throw up. It didn't go away till I had a piece of birthday cake and someone made the comment about low blood sugar. Great. I'm giving myself diabetes. (I hope not)

When I got home, I fed the dog and pulled out one of my beginner weight lifting books. I did a circuit workout out of that and felt pretty good about it. It irkes me to be back in the "beginner" book, but I think that's part of my problem, I go too hard and don't stick to it. So I'm making small commitments. I can feel the workout, but I know I won't be too sore to workout again. 

After that, I went to the dog park and walked around while Molly played. The only thing I can proudly say is that I have been keeping up with our corporate challenge and getting in 10,000 steps daily. It's crazy to realize that with how much I sit at a desk, it's impossible to get all these steps in without a morning walk, workout, and dog park in the evening. I don't let myself leave the dog park till I'm close to 10,000. Today wasn't bad, but yesterday I ended up running in circles for about 20 mins because I was a couch potato. Ahh well, still got it in. 

Tomorrow is a new day and another attempt at 5am. Uggggh. 

Hi....I'm back!

The long weekend away was just the therapy I needed. I went completely out of my element and went camping at a country music festival for a friends birthday. On top of that, I decided to be unplugged for the weekend besides an "I'm alive" message to my parents. I enjoyed the sunshine, music, sitting around drinking beers, and actually feeling like I could hear myself think. I also took probably as many naps as the baby, which made me realize how tired I was. 

I'm pretty sure the universe was speaking to me this weekend. I brought along a few magazines and all the articles centered around thinking about what makes you happy, pursuing the seemly impossible, doing what you love, making yourself a priority, and having a positive attitude. Plus I had a real life example right in front of my face. You can really tell how much Jenny and Cole really love camping in their camper. It was fascinating to see them in their element and the pure joy on their faces. Don't get me wrong, I had a good time and was very THANKFUL for a spot in the camper. I wouldn't have made it if I had to sleep in a tent. But it is 100% not my thing. I'd much prefer an outdoor outing that ended with me at home with a hot shower and in my bed. 

So then I started thinking....well what is my thing? (This would be an interesting question to poll). 

My things! 

1. Running. I still want to run a marathon some day and I think I'd like to try team in training and raise money for cancer since my dad had it twice and my nana passed from it

2. Training my dog. This is actually going really well. She's too smart and I think it'd be cool if I could train her to run obstacle courses or agility stuff (confession: I just watched a dog competition on TV)

3. Reading. Just downloaded The Girl with a Dragon Tattoo

4. Traveling. Mostly planned around weddings this year, but I am going to the beach for my birthday!!

Things I am trying to add my things:

1. Yoga

2. Cooking

3. Hiking/Kayaking/outdoorsy day trips the dog can do

4. Lifting. I freaking love muscles and feeling like a bad ass when lifting heavy shit

I realized over the last two months, I've let these things slide by the wayside. No wonder I've been irritable and miserable. I've also gained 20 lbs. I stepped on the scale yesterday, but my tight pants told me the same story. Which no wonder since I've stopped running, lifting, and cooking. And I know with being intensely busy and the changes to schedule, I was trying to get by with bare minimum and skipping steps I normally take. Guess what? When you stop doing the things that got you there, end result is weight gain. And when you finally wake up from denial and really see the chubby face staring back at you in the mirror, you start over and back down the path you know you should be on. 

I started yesterday with good eating and today added in the exercise. My entire team is participating as a team in the Global Corporate Challenge. I'm not sure how many companies participate, but it's more than Novartis. It started today and I'm determined to be the best team at our site. (We'd never win globally. I heard there's this crazy European team that does a week long bike ride trip). The idea is which team team can log the most steps in 100 days. We were given pedometers and then there's a website where you input your steps daily. I also was made team captain (mostly for my organization skills), but other teams were talking trash yesterday, so my competitive side is out. Plus, I can't let my team down! The "goal" is 10,000 steps a day, which I guess is the recommended amount to be healthy. 

So I'm getting back to all the habits I know I need. We're starting over again. And I still don't have the answer on how to keep it going through stressful times. I'm going to start doing some more reading on time management and things of that nature. A book suggested to me was 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It's next on the list. But one thing I did learn, is that the next time it gets crazy stressful, I should take a day off, give myself a long weekend and unplug from the world. It's amazing how much that extra day refreshes you and gives you a different outlook on life. My positivity is back and it's time to get to work!

Oh my aching back!

Exactly how I feel! My abs, back, legs, shoulders, and even my feet are sore! But sore means I'm working and as you break muscles down, they build back up stronger.

Monday I did a 20 min run and abs class, Tuesday was a full body circuit, and today  was spin class. My legs were ready to fall off during spin. It made me realize that my deceptively simple circuit workout really kicked my ass and I loved the book it came from even more! 

What book? This book! 

It breaks down the body and shows you 50+ exercises per muscle group, plus there's 20+ different workouts. 

Two best things? The variations on exercises and tips on perfect form. The variations allow me to hit my muscles effectively whether I'm at the gym or home. And perfect form ensures most bang for your buck. I learned that to get in a perfect side plank position, you actually push your hips forward. (Who knew?!?!)

So Tuesday's workout from the book was 12 reps, 3 sets, and pick one move per body part from the book. I did this in circuit to minimize rest. Having one move, really helped my focus on form and mentally I was like one move and you're done...you can do one move. I definately was sweating and tired afterward, but I wondered how good of a workout is that? Umm damn good because today I'm feeling it and we all know second day sore is worse!

It made me realize that I never really allow myself to be a beginner. I always want to skip straight to expert.....then I get too sore and give up. This workout is perfect because you can change the exercises. If I'm not feeling push-ups today, there's plenty of substitues available to pick from. 

And so the week continues!

Slump

I have been in a serious slump. I'm exhausted and I have no motivation. It feels like I can't even get a moment to breathe. I'm also in a state of denial as to why I am wearing skirts/dresses/anything stretchy. And it feels like the hole is getting bigger. I'm afraid that one day I'm going to wake up 500lbs. My parents are worried and keep pointing out that I need to manage my stress. So much so, I'm getting annoyed. I know I have a problem and I want to be left alone to figure it out!

So I did what I do best....research! Best ways to motivate yourself (again):

1. Think about why you started
2. Find inspiration
3. Talk to someone supportive
4. Think positive thoughts
5. Commit Publicly
6. Think about your goal daily
7. Visualize hitting your goal 

I started because of health and that I did not enjoy the way I looked. I remember the day my doctor threatened me with high cholesterol meds if I didn't get the weight off. I remember crying in the parking lot because it felt like something you'd see on the biggest loser show and I couldn't believe I was THAT large.

I talked to my friend Vic today. He recently posted progress pics and so I asked him how he stayed motivated. He takes weekly progress pictures and looks at them to remind himself that he doesn't want to go back to that picture. He also said ask yourself what you can do today so you are better tomorrow. Then he's like you have the ability to achieve the results I have. You can do this.

And I started telling him about work messing up getting to classes, the horrible commute, the guilt over my dog being left in the cage, the lack of sleep....

He simply says those are all excuses.

My first reaction?

I was pissed. He doesn't know how it is! He doesn't have a dog. How dare he say that? 

Then he starts asking questions. What time do you get home? 7pm. Well gym's open till 11pm. I don't want to go that late. Then go in the morning. I don't have time, I need to take Molly out. Wake up earlier. Uhhh no. Well you can take Molly running. Running hurts right now. Then get that ass to the gym.

Do you know how dumb you feel to hear your excuses out loud and to hear someone so easily find a solution to everything you can come up with?

He says well that's the price of success. You have to change to get where you want to be because what you're doing right now isn't working. And I know you can do this. I believe in you. Go take some pictures, send them to me, and lets get started.

Well I took those pictures in a sports bra and workout pants. Words can't describe what a picture of yourself can do to you. (Anger....shame...sadness....frustration....) Its like glass shattering or having icy cold water thrown on you. I just......can't look like this anymore. Try it for yourself...I can't even decipher all I feel looking at that picture, but I know I want to change.

He also sent me a video on motivation. Its an hour long so Ill listen to that on the drive tomorrow. Time to start again and find a better way. 

#8 -> take a picture of yourself and study it

Sitting here feeling....

I actually feel accomplished!

Work was long. I stayed late and missed cycle class, which made me mad. Then I decided that I wanted ice cream for dinner. So I had a frozen yogurt cone on the drive home. Once home, I put on my dog training hat.

We had a great session! She actually walks beside me. I figured the key is to change directions on her whenever her attention strays. The hard work is paying off on that front.

Once we got home, I did my dishes (clean kitchen = happy Shawna) and then I decided to run up and down my stairs, which led to squats, lunges, pushups, burpees, planks, supermans, jumping Jack's, high knees, and crunches. It ended up being 20 mins and I got pretty sweaty.

Was it what I normally would like to do? No. I'd so rather be in a weight room or some form of cardio for 30-45mins. But guess what? It was something. It was sweat. And I'm sure I can always use the extra reps.

Today is a win. Dog trained and exercised. I got exercise. I ate within my calories and the day was healthy food besides ice cream. And tomorrow is another day.

Realistic Expectations

Today was a much better day than yesterday. I went to bed angry last night because I didn't get to finish everything I wanted to do. Today I realized it's never going to happen. There's just not enough time in the day.

 I also underestimated the amount of time and patience needed to train a dog. We had our first obedience class Sunday and our big thing to work on is relaxation. My dog is in a constant state of anxiety because I am constantly anxious. My dog doesn't relax because I don't relax. And the trainer scared me when he said as she gets older, this can lead to giving her a heart attack. It's one thing to give myself a heart attack (which will happen if I don't get this weight off), but quite another to give your poor dog one. The crazy thing, when he started pointing out behaviors and I could honestly see what he was talking about. It made me feel like a bad mom and I was determined to take our homework for relaxation seriously!

Ironically, I've been examining my own behavior these last two days. I wake up and my mind starts going a 100 thoughts per second. I'm analyzing time, today's agenda, and rushing about to get things done before I leave. My mind goes all day until I go to sleep. And some nights, even sleep is hard because I start thinking about the future and all kinds of crazy things.

So I am trying to learn to turn it off when I come in the door because I have to be calm for her. We had a moment yesterday after the dog park where I made her sit/stay and just watched her. She had crazy eyes, tail going nuts and breathing like a damn horse. I'm like omg calm down! 

I'm slowly getting better. I had a moment today where I started the "I didn't get this done" thoughts and then I thought about my happy list. I went to lifting class after work. I ate healthy all day because my prep was done and it was delicious. We went to the dog park and practiced our obedience stuff. That is enough. It has to be enough, it's the whole list!

Of course you know me, I'm still not satisfied. I could've cleaned a little, did some yoga, some meditation, read car reviews, started looking for MBA schools, plane tickets for a wedding, and dammit there's still laundry....the list goes on. 

I'm working on the list being enough and being satisfied with that as a days work. Because guess what? It's 9:57pm and this girl needs sleep! I learned the hard way how important sleep is :/ 

Starting Over

I finally feel like myself again. I got great sleep last night and got back into my usual Saturday morning activity.....dog park! The weather was fantastic and I really enjoyed playing fetch with Molly. She is quite the swimmer! I thought I was going to have to haul her furry behind out the water to go home. 

I was quite tired after this outing and I thought about last summer how I would workout, do chores, take her to the dog park, then come home, get dressed, and go do something with friends. It's a hard pill to swallow, thinking about where I used to be and that I am not there anymore. It makes me mad and disappointed in myself. 

 And I never realized how rough I was on myself lately! When I run, I think about the paces I used to run or how effortless 3 miles used to be. When I lift, I think about how I used to lift heavier weights. And clothes? I'm wearing pants that a few months ago I was considering getting rid of because they were too baggy. 

But one of the things that I've been learning through meditation is to just be in the present moment. The past is already done and only god knows the future. I am essentially starting over, but with more knowledge than last time. Today I thought about what really makes me happy and fulfilled.

My list:

Seeing my dog run around healthy and happy

Spending quality time with my fam/friends

Cooking delicious healthy meals 

Improving my fitness

When these things don't happen, I notice that I'm stressed out and upset. It's funny, but work doesn't make the list. Sure, I'm competitive and want to do a good job, but honestly, I just want to fund my lifestyle and living paycheck to paycheck is not fun.

 (Been there done that)

So I'm going to start reminding myself of two questions when things get crazy. The first, "what can I do right now to get me closer to my goals?" And then I'm going to do that, whether it be a walk, packing my lunch, or some foam rolling. The second, "Does this activity contribute to the things that really make me happy?" And if it doesn't, I'm going to stop doing it. 

I'm also going to work on posting daily. Writing makes me think about what I'm really doing and re-connect with where I'm trying to go. Here we go again :) 

Holy Crap!

It was so good to get away and see good friends this weekend. I needed it. It didn't hit me till that I was on my first flight, how stressed out and negative the last three weeks have been. I was a mess. I hasn't been sleeping, stopped working out, and my eating was erratic. Sometimes I'd eat, sometimes I was too tired, sometimes I ate junk, and sometimes I ate way too much. I had let my job consume me and steal my joy. I left work angry, frustrated, stressed and I didn't let go of that when I walked out the door. I'm sure if you're reading this, I've told you stories already.

Sitting on that flight, I realized that I couldn't live like this. I can't let someone or situation have power over me like that. I can't be angry, tired, miserable, and stressed all the time....I'm killing myself. 

I know how I got here. I forgot my priorities and let the healthy habits slip. And it honestly all starts with sleep. I bought a body bugg (yup the one used on biggest loser) and the most shocking thing I've learned in the last two weeks is how erratic my sleep is! One night will be 4.5 hours, most are in the 6 hr range, and then I completely crash by Sunday. What's more, the body bugg calculates your sleep efficiency.....I averaged 60%.

So I sleep like crap, wake up tired, my brain lasts till about 3pm, I've had headaches, my workouts suck because I never fully recover from the last one, and I have so much tension in my body that it aches. Then when the weekend comes, I want to sleep and lay on the couch, which means I don't actually enjoy the weekend doing something fun or I go have fun and don't do chores and set myself back because I didn't prepare for the week ahead. Cue another week of scrambling. 

What I have learned: 

1. I need 7-8 hours of sleep daily (mind and body recovery time)

2. Sundays are sacred prep days (nothing else gets planned on Sunday)

3. I need to leave work at work (think positive thoughts)

4. I NEED TO EXERCISE daily (stress relief)

5. I need daily accountability to my goals (doing what I said I'd do)

Chugging Along

Well I've successfully made it through Wednesday. I am sitting on my foam roller and drinking water, while working on this post. I'm feeling pretty fantastic and balanced. My body is sore, but I feel satisfied knowing that the last 3 days I have been on point. I wish I could bottle this feeling that exercise and healthy eating gives me. I'm not frazzled, bloated, irritable, or feeling guilty. This is something I need to commit to memory on why I don't want to revert back to my old habits. 

 I read an article the other day that really blew me away. The title, "Why motivation is overrated" on one of my favorite websites called Girls Gone Strong. The article talked about how motivation is a finite thing because it's an emotion. It comes and goes, just like being happy or sad. We've all had those days or weeks that you are crushing workouts then all of a sudden the floor falls out from beneath you. I notice that when my moods are bad, I'm less likely to hit the gym because I want comfort, not to get my ass kicked. This makes me feel better. I used to beat myself up thinking how can I be so unmotivated when I can't stand the extra weight I am carrying around. Trust me, I would give up my first born to be in shape....or maybe my second kid ;) 

So instead of beating yourself up for lack of motivation, start looking at how you can create habits that support your goals. And it's not big changes! The example in the article shifted the person's gym schedule to arrive15 mins earlier and made room to work on a squat PR. 

15 freaking minutes. 

I found that very powerful because whenever I think about changing habits, I think about a complete overhaul. And let's face it, change is hard and mentally exhausting. Plus the bigger the change, the bigger the challenge. And we tend to focus on those big mountains because we.want.results.right now! And once you get that habit ingrained....why you're quite instoppable. I think we all realize this on some level, but what we don't take into consideration, is that small changes add up over time and are easier to manage. 

So I'm looking at how I can apply this to my life. One of the things I now do, is drink a full Nalgene bottle (32oz) of water on my morning commute. What I have noticed is that the "hunger" I was feeling in the morning was related to thirst! I'm hungry by time I get to work, but not irrational hunger that could lead to bad choices. Another one, is going to be a protein shake, veggies, and/or fruit to munch on during the commute home. I'm hungry as hell after my workout and if I have to wait an hour till I get home, I get into irrational hunger. 

There will be others! And probably a follow-up post to share some more that I have come up with. If you have any good habits friends, help your girl out and please share!

To read the article in full:

http://www.girlsgonestrong.com/why-motivation-is-overrated/

Something's Gotta Give

This week was horrendous. I was definitely off my rocker and ran myself into the ground. It started Tuesday. I was at work late so I missed class and decided that I would hit the gym around 830pm. I did and that was one of the best lift sessions because I was so pissed off. I whooped my own ass and was quite proud of it, but didn't realize the rest of the week was downhill. I woke up Wednesday tired, worked late again, was super sore, and decided that I would take it easy and walk. I woke up Thursday tired (didn't sleep well), had several cups of coffee, and for some reason, my lunch wasn't appetizing so I bought lunch instead. Still being tired, I had afternoon coffee as well instead of water. Worked late again Thursday, with the crazy storms/tornadoes, by time I got home, it was straight to daycare to get Molly. Then at that time, I just didn't want to hit the gym....so I didn't. Friday I woke up feeling like shit, I survived the day on coffee, and by 1230pm, I don't think I could put two coherent thoughts together. I was DONE. So Friday traffic was extra horrible with march madness AND a nascar race this week, so it took 2 hours to get home. I got home, took Molly out, and then it was couch with a glass of wine. 

I thought about the week and just realized that I deviated from my healthy habits and my life went to shit. I didn't get my stress relief from workouts so I didn't get sleep, which means I didn't recover from my workouts or wake up refreshed which led to coffee and not so great food choices which led to digestive trouble which led to more irritability which led to no motivation to want to workout which led to weight gain I'm sure and I'm farther from my goals. 

I can't do this anymore! I'm overwhelmed and I have too much going on between work/commute, Molly, workouts and dating. Dating, my friends, is exhausting. It's gotten to the point where it stresses me out rather than being exciting. Instead of being hopeful, I'm waiting to find out what baggage the guy has and when things are going to go to hell (I'm noticing it's around week 6). I'm tired of stale conversations, weird behavior I can't understand, and feeling insecure. Yes, dating makes me feel insecure about my body. I notice that when I meet guys, I'm worried about what they will think. So I realized that dating needs to take a back seat to working toward the body I want. As of the end of April, my dating site subscriptions will be closed. It's crazy, but I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. I feel like I gained part of my life back. I will try again, once I move and get settled in Fort Worth, but from now till August, my boyfriend is going to be the gym :) 

Earlier I ran errands and tomorrow I will be back in the gym, clean, cook, and do laundry. You could call today a rethinking life day. Every time I fall back into bad habits, I run myself into the ground. I keep learning the hard way that I can't go back to the bad habits, unless I'm willing to go back to being fatter. Sometimes, it does feel a little unfair. I have to fight for every pound, but can gain 5lbs in one cheat day. I swear my body enjoys being fat, even though it actually works harder with the extra weight. 

But then I think about how far I've come since my time in Cincinnati. I used to eat and drink like a fish. I remember going to Cheesecake Factory and downing a drink or two, splitting an appetizer, an entree, AND you damn right I had cheesecake. I never realized how much food that was! That's 2, maybe 3 meals! And I'd do it every weekend. So I have come a long way, but when you're trying to lose 50+lbs, the journey is far from over. I never realized how different it is from people trying to lose 10 lbs. I guess it's like comparing a 5k to a marathon lol. 

So what now? Well I've got to get these healthy habits to a point where they are as easy as breathing. I'm dusting myself off and if it doesn't aid my weight loss, it can't be in my life right now and I'm ok with that. I used to struggle with having a life and losing weight. I don't anymore because I have people I can see without destroying my efforts. Back to the grind, I got challenges to win! 

I see a bicep!

I have been staring in mirrors all weekend. It is week 4 of the body fat challenge and I'm noticing some changes. Like the fact that I can start to see the outline of my bicep! Before when I would flex, all you would see is a big blob of arm. 

I was also looking at myself in the gym mirrors. My left ankle is a slight cankle, but considering there's a metal plate in there, prolly always will be. I can see my triceps a tiny bit while planking or doing push-ups. I am getting more parallel and my knees aren't buckling in on squats, so my form is improving! 

My goal is to ultimately work my way up to doing weighted squats in the squat rack. From all the reading I've done, if you want a nice backside, you gotta squat! (Also stalking out super fit girls at the gym, confirmed this too) You can do them on a smith machine, but it takes away the full range of motion. I tried the squat rack once with Vic and I felt so unstable/scared that I was going to drop the weight on myself. It still intimidates me... for now. 

I also read an article taking about the benefits of squats for tight hips. It all comes back to balance and making sure all your muscles are equally strong. I know from all the running, I am quad dominate, but hammys/glutes? Forget about it! So weak. Because of that imbalance, my hip flexors would "help" out and do more work than they're made to do. Couple that with poor stretching, that's why I've had hip issues. Not lately though, I have been making stretching a priority and all the classes give me a variety of ways to torture all my muscle groups. 

Working out? Just keep doing what I'm doing. Nutrition? I had my cheat meal Saturday night, but it also slid into breakfast this morning. I gotta rein that in, but still much better than usual. I was on my way to Jenny's Saturday morning and waited till I reached her house to eat the breakfast I had packed. Typically, I would've said I'm hungry now and did Starbucks drive-thru. 

This week, my focus is portion control and getting in more fresh produce. I still have  some breakfast leftovers from last week so trying to finish them off. I am also trying to push my snacks to raw fruits and veggies to help fill me up. Plus they take longer to eat. I had a few hungry moments last week.

Overall, it's slow. I'm fighting the thought that it's too slow and trying to give myself time to adapt. I know I'm working hard physically, I am wiped out by Sunday and tonight's bedtime walk with Molly was rough! I'm able to work hard because my body has fuel. There's tweaks I can make in food and I'm exploring that. I guess because I'm doing so well and I have so much weight to lose, I feel like more should be coming off!! I'm working on patience.....not my strong suit :P

God I hate pictures

Ever notice how pictures seem like a rude awakening? I had to do pictures and measurements today for the challenge. It's somewhat discouraging, because I have made progress and it feels like it doesn't show up in the photo. But I just think about what a picture 10 or 20 lbs ago must look like....yikes!! But I went back through some old emails and my body fat is down! Woot! So I just gotta keep pushing. It's a starting point and I don't plan on staying here! 

I also realized today that I have more work to do on portion control. Ashley made lunch today (tilapia and pasta) and I was still hungry after. I tried to wait it out, but I ended up getting a yogurt and hummus with pretzels. I think she felt bad like I didn't get enough food, but in reality, I believe it's me! So I'm going to be more diligent with using the measuring cups. I also need to memorize this chart, so I can remain diligent even when I'm out. 

                                        

I also have not been calorie counting. I know, I know, you must think I'm crazy and setting myself up for failure. Every time I got serious about losing weight, I would count calories. That was my go to and what I had to do to lose weight. But Honestly, it was making me crazy because I felt like I never had time to do it and I was always scrambling to update and it became a source of stress. And once I stopped, the weight came back. Why? It wasn't a sustainable process for me. I used to think it was lack of willpower, but what I have learned from my trainer is that willpower is in finite supply. I think on past attempts and you know when things were the easiest? When I avoided people and situations that would tempt and test me. I lost weight, but I was also dreadfully lonely. I can't live my life like that. 

So I'm working on creating habits that I can live with. 

A few I'm working on:

1. Aiming for drinking a gallon of water a day

2. Eating protein and produce with every meal 

3. Picking one starchy item per meal 

I'm also researching intuitive eating. I've read a few articles and came to the conclusion that I don't even know my own hunger/fullness cues. I don't have that awareness at all. I eat way too fast and I'm conditioned to eat based on what time if day it is. Kinda feeling like one of Pavlov's dogs. 

The fast eating started when I was a kid. With so many of us at the dinner table, if you wanted seconds, especially on taco night, I had to beat my two brothers to seconds. As I got older, it always feels like I'm eating on the go. You know what slows me down? Being on a date or food that you have to put in a little work to eat. 

With the new job, what time we eat lunch is based on what meetings there are for the day and when it's a good time to break from training. Typically I would say I'm a noon eater, but I've experienced lunch at 11am, 1130am, 1230pm, 1pm, and even 130pm in the last 3 weeks. I was not pleased with a 11am lunch, but once I got my lunch out, I was hungry and I ate. I also had days where for some reason, I didn't feel hungry till 1ish. It's crazy! 

The experiment continues......weight loss really is a mental battle

                                                          

Week 4 begins

This is the 4th week of my new life as a commuter. Wow, already? I can proudly say that I have successfully packed my lunch every day. I'm becoming a prep master and crockpot queen. Meal planning has made my life so much easier and I feel accomplished with all the new recipes I'm trying. I timed myself doing prep this week. It took me a little over an hour to shop and about 2 hours to prep. Meal planning is usually an all week thing as I scan Pinterest for recipes to try, but the actually writing out takes less than an hour. So let's say 4 hours and I have meals for 7 days. How amazing is that?

I have variety. No cooking during the week. I'm satisfied. And less stress! I finally found a way that keeps me happy. And, I'm freezing some meals as well for the weekends I'm off traveling. I seriously wish I had a standalone freezer...sigh apartment living.... 

My workouts? Have been full of variety as well. I take classes at the Novartis gym, do videos from my trainer, lift at LA fitness, yoga, and walking everyday. I really gave up on following some sort of schedule because it honestly stressed me out more when I missed what was on the schedule. My motto now is get in some type of workout right after work. I need to move and sweat, when I get to a point where that no longer works, then I'll rethink it. I honestly think all the variety helps me build a stronger body since I'm not working the same muscles all the time. And by the end of the week, my body is toast and I hurt in places where I didn't know muscles exist!. I'm happy to report my calf is fully healed, so I'm going to try to ease in some running here and there. 

I've also learned the importance of rest. When I'm tired, I back off for an "easier" workout like yoga or a walk. Actually, I'd like to retract that, yoga is not easy, it just forces your mind to control your body in a different way. Trust me, I'm still sore after yoga, but it's a rest from the high intensity classes. I hope this leads to less injuries for me. 

So what's next? The body fat bet is still going strong. We've missed each other on weekends due to schedules, but I will have an updated number this weekend. I've also joined another challenge my trainer is doing. This one is 6 weeks and started today. I'm ready to rock this one out and hopefully win again ;) 

I'm struggling with not knowing. I have not been weighing myself and the body fat monitor takes another set of hands to push start. Plus weight is not entirely indicative of body fat. I have been lifting heavy and pushing myself on the cardio, starting to notice small improvements like not completely dying on the last 5 minutes of the stair master ( I know it means I need to bump the level up shhh!) and push-ups are starting to feel like I'm actually doing them correctly. So I'm working on that being enough and focusing on being consistent with the habits. Because this is the point where I would second guess myself and start trying to tweak things instead of waiting. I know the body never does what we want it to when we want it to and it'll release fat when it decides to. I have to wait it out and see what's on the other side. 

Sunday Prep!

I outdid myself this weekend. I spent 2 hours in the kitchen and quite amazed at how quickly it went! I think the key was doing the actual food shopping on a different day and already have my recipes planned out. 

Recipe #1: A take on caprese salad. Cucumbers, tomatoes, basil, mozzarella, olive oil, balsamic vinegar, garlic, salt, and pepper. 

Recipe #2: Bacon ranch chicken with broccoli and cheese. I am a huge fan of foil packets. So easy to throw together and put in the oven. 

Recipe#3: Peanut butter banana chocolate chip protein oatmeal bake. This tastes like a dessert for breakfast :)

Recipe #4: Hawaiian chicken in the crock pot. I'll add peppers and onions when it's closer to done and serve over rice. 

All that in two hours. I have well over a weeks worth of food. Some of it will definitely be put in the freezer. I'm working on getting a collection of meals, so that if I have a weekend where I travel, I don't have to cram in prep for the week. I seriously wish I had another freezer. As I'm getting better with portion sizes, my food is really going a long way. Hands down, the crock pot was the best investment ever.

So I'm ready for another healthy week and quite pumped that I don't have to do any cooking. Life is good when you prep :)

Having a Grrrrr moment

I'm having one of those days. Friday I was tired so I just took Molly for a long walk. My plan was getting in bed early so I could hit it hard this weekend. Guess what? I woke up still exhausted. So I took Molly to daycare and went shopping. I personally love shopping by myself. It's nice to just wander around in my own thoughts and not have to accommodate anyone. I got some great sales. My iPad mini was 15% off, I got 4 nike sports bras were 50% off, and a crock pot that's was 20% off. All things that can help me in my fitness journey. (It's easier to blog on an iPad! :P) 

Then I kinda got down on myself. I am loving the colors and styles I see for spring, however I refuse to buy any more clothes at this size. It's frustrating to spend money and know that it's not going to fit in a few months. Plus thinking about shorts makes me want to do a couple hundred squats. And bathing suits? The thought of spandex makes me cringe. I don't like being this size at all and I'm not sure how to come to terms with that. I'm afraid that I'll get complacent and just get stuck here. And it's not just that I don't like it, I know it's not healthy. Today, it feels like I have so far to go. And realistically, I do. So after walking around and feeling sorry for myself, I just realized I was in a mood and mentally exhausted.

So I treated myself to Starbucks and did my meal planning for the week. My positivity is coming back along with excitement to test some new recipes. 

Other positives to note. I have not had fast food in 2 weeks! In the last two weeks, I have been active every day and 11 of those days are actual workouts. 

Tonight I'm doing yoga and tomorrow is working out with Vic. I'm on the right track lifestyle-wise, so that's good enough for now. The perfectionist in me just needs to take a back seat and I'm finally starting to recognize that. Results will come. If not, I know great people to ask for advice!

Catching Up!

I have been seriously MIA. Why? My new life is jam packed and I am adjusting to it. I'm on the go from the moment I wake up at 5am till about 10pm.

5ams, only seem rough on Mondays and Thursdays. I HAVE to get up, there's no leeway to snooze, so I'm doing it.

I had a lot of guilt over Molly being crated 12 hours a day, but she's doing just fine. Bought some new toys that challenge her, daily morning walks, and nights at the dog park keep her happy.

Work is insane, but that makes the day go by so quick. And with me packing lunch daily, I've been eating really well. No headaches!

I'm adjusting to working out after work. These trainers that teach classes are kicking my butt! But I love getting out the days stress and I get to workout with my friends! It makes it easy to get a workout in and I do moves I hate doing, like ab  work (ugh).

By time I get home, I have time for dog park, shower, get tomorrow's stuff ready, and holy shit it's 10, get in bed! I am finding that I don't have time to cook during the week. So I'm making due with skillet recipes, casseroles, and anything you can throw together quickly. Sunday is a complete cooking day.

Ashley and I are also making lunch for each other one day a week. I have Monday's and she does Thursday's. So that's one less day I have to worry about and I get variety. She made couscous, which was cool, because mine never seems to turn out right! I made her italian skillet (thanks Rebecca!).

I'm also eating two small pieces of chocolate daily (160 cal worth). I have trouble with moderation on sweets, so figured why not practice? It sounds crazy, like I'm playing with temptation and the devil,  but it's freaking working!!!! Last week, I did indeed have chocolate every day. This week, I didn't have chocolate Sunday and Tuesday. I'm starting to notice when I think about it, there's not this intense need for chocolate, which spirals into cookies, chips, pizza, etc. And trust me, we're talking ghiradelli and lindt  chocolate ;)

Vic and I did a week 1 check in on Sunday. I lost 4% body fat, he lost 2%. The good thing about the body fat measurer  is that you need someone else to press start while you grip the handles or else the number is crazy inaccurate. So there's no checking obsessively. I have to do the work and I get to see once a week. And considering you can flux your water weight by 5-7lbs, the scale can't pinpoint where I am. Therefore, I have to do the exercise and do the nutrition. Period.

Overall, I just decided that this new environment was going to be different. It's crazy how being in a new place makes it easier to establish new habits. It's almost like I get a do over, which is refreshing because that never happens. Looking forward to that summer body!

The Body Fat Bet

12 weeks. Highest % improvement. $100 and bragging rights on the line. We had a trainer at LA Fitness take our baseline body fat. I was amused to see I had the same device. I'm at 42.7% and Vic is at 18.4%. Pretty much, if I stay consistent and work hard, I can hands down win since I have much more to lose. I'm all prepped for the week and ready to rock!

An Honest Conversation with Myself

5ams are kicking my butt. Its Wednesday and I am dead  tired.   But, I'm doing it! The prep the night before makes my morning much more enjoyable. After a power walk with Molly, I actually feel refreshed and ready to tackle the day in a positive mood. And I've hit my workouts this week.

What's the difference? I don't give myself options. I HAVE to get up at 5am and after work I HAVE to go to the gym. It seems,simpler in my head because now I'm not trying to think of several different scenarios. I never realized how much brain power I wasted doing this:

Night before: "I'm working out in the am"

AM: "I'm still sleepy, I'll work out after work because I really should get sleep"

After Work: "Molly's been in the crate all day, I feel guilty or I really just want a moment to relax on the couch. I'll workout when I get home"

Get Home: "I'm hungry. I want dinner"

So I'd make dinner, then needed digesting time and then it's 7pm. Maybe 1 out of 4 times, I'd have the willpower to go workout, but mostly, I didn't. Hence why I'm not at my goals.

Habits. I don't know why it's taken me so long to realize this. I think in some part of my head, I thought I was being flexible and not a "slave to a schedule", but really, I've just been counterproductive. The flexibility is supposed to come in 10% of the time, where there's a special occasion or last minute event, not every day (slaps head).

So habits! Two other bad ones are I'm always trying something new and I don't always finish things. Why?

I'm addicted to new. The beginning is always exciting and your motivation then tapers off. Things also get hard and new isn't so fun anymore. It seems boring and then I'm off to something else. I was addicted to running half's, you see that has tapered off because I went so extreme with it and hurt myself. I've been back running this winter and it makes me sad because the last thing my brain remembers is where I used to be. But, I did discover a happy medium. I like to run 3-4 times a week instead of trying to hit 5-6 times. It allows me to do bootcamp classes and my times were starting to improve before my stupid calf injury.

I don't finish things falls in line with starting new things. It gets hard, I get bored and/or de-motivated. Plus, I was reading an article about goal setting and realized that I come up with goals, but not the plan to achieve them. Coming up with goals is exciting. I'm in love with the idea of being able to do pushups, pullups, and handstands. How bad ass right? Especially for a girl! I wanna be THAT girl!
Ask me what I'm doing to get there......

*cue crickets*

Ironically, my trainer posted a video about how to progress to full pushups. There's actually a series of different exercises you can do a few times a week to work your way up. I know it exists for headstands (I have a yoga book) and sure I can google it for pullups.

Yup. Work your way up, as in a plan, with steps, and you start at step 1, not step 50.

Let's be honest. Work sucks. Nobody sits around and talks about all the little steps they take. It's not until the task is finished that we say "look what I did!". Depending on the friend, you may know the struggle. You may know about how they didn't get any sleep, but still got up to work out the next day. Or how they managed to stay healthy during a work function. (Its hard to pass up free alcohol or fancy dinners!)

Which brings me to the word commitment. Being committed is so different than just wanting something. I know it's different, so does everyone who speaks english. But I never considered what being committed means in terms of MY life and actions. I've had moments, where I was committed. I did well in the bootcamp challenge because it spoke to my competitive side and I wanted to win. I had the goal (win challenge) and I followed the plan (nutrition & workout) laid out by my trainer. 

But overall, I have not been committed and I have no clear plan = why I am not at my goals. 

>_<

You know what makes this shameful? I solve problems for a living and I'm good at it. And this my friends, is just another problem to solve! Wish I could've did my TBP or green belt project on weight loss.....maybe I will for fun.

(Did I really just have that thought? I need a vacation.)

Preparing for a new Reality

I have a confession. My life has been crazy and I have been eating like a small cow. I'm anxious for my new beginning and also realizing there's a few more hurdles than I thought.

My new job requires a commute and I never realized how much that changes my entire routine. Instead of getting up at 630am, I now have to get up at 5am. Molly will be in the crate all day so exercising her before and after work is a priority. I also have to pack my lunch religiously since there's no going home or any lunch places close by. My breakfast will also be consumed in the car. Then I'm wondering when I'm going to get in MY workouts!?!

Next week is going to be the big test. I figured I needed a test run since this will be my life going forward. Might as well start practicing and who cares if I'm a little grouchy to people I'm leaving?!? ;)

So my plan is up at 5am to run or walk Molly then get dressed to leave the house by 7 and be at work at 8. My new job has an awesome gym so I'm going to take advantage of that either at lunch or right after work. Then come home to exercise Molly, prep, and find a little relax time (I hope).

In order to simplify my mornings, I HAVE to get clothes and lunch ready at night. I also HAVE to get my chores done on the weekend. For meals, I'm going to do some extra cooking on the weekend. I enjoy cooking, but when I have time to enjoy the process. I'm also buying a crock pot this weekend. Nothing screams "Shawna" like a pot where you throw everything together and let it cook on its own ;)

So I think I'm prepared with the major hurdles I see and playing to my strengths. Any tips are greatly appreciated!

Streak is over :(

I tweaked my knee the other day on ice while running with Molly. The swelling has gone down, but it's still tender. I went for a short walk today and felt ok. Planning a longer walk tomorrow. So streak is over since recovery is most important :(

I didn't hit my goal (25% completion), but I learned a few things about myself:

It's a much easier mindset for me to be active every day. There's no thought, just get up and go do... SOMETHING! It made me happier, I am sleeping better, and coping with stress. There's always something to work on whether it's strength, endurance, flexibility, speed, recovery, etc.

And instead of cramming them all in on workout days, I could spread it out and focus better. It's more manageable to walk in to a workout thinking,  "Ok, we're lifting. Or just yoga tonight."

I've learned that flexibility is key. Life throws curves and if I missed a specific workout on a certain day, I used to feel like I failed or had to start over. Some days, I didn't feel like doing what I scheduled, so I ran or did a workout video. That used to make me feel like I failed because I wasn't disciplined enough or I lacked will power to follow schedule. In reality, I still worked out, I'm not a professional athlete, so what if I changed my workout....I still worked out!

I'm learning to let go of the perfectionist. No one is 100% all the time, it's impossible and probably quite miserable. I am down 9 lbs AND enjoying life, so something is going right!

Day 27

I rolled out of bed determined to get in a real workout before anything could change my mind. 4 mile run at the nearby park. I'm noticing that I have more leg strength from the butt challenge and that I'm seeing more 11 and 12 min miles. Getting strong:)

Day 26

Another walk at lunch. I had plans with my aunt after work and I didn't get my butt up to workout. Wasn't as cold today:)

Day 25

The weather outside was beyond shitty. I ended up going for a power walk at the mall. I made 5 loops in an hour. 

Day 24

Bootcamp! Then the butt challenge(arms had a rest day today). 

Day 23

Today was a craptastic day. I really wanted to just call it an early night, but I went for a run instead. I can't really explain why I had all these feelings yesterday...anxious, tired, excited, irritated.... but I wanted to get them out. I did an interval run and it was one of those "this is why I love running" runs. It was just me, my breath, music, and somehow Molly figured out today was a good day to behave on the leash. Everything just felt loose and good, like a well oiled machine. Must be all the yoga lately....I know understand why people who practice love it so much. It really is life changing! 

Day 22

Started off monday right with a run. Molly is starting to recognize my running gear by smell and goes nuts when I put my sneakers on. Don't blame her, sneakers mean run or dogpark. Also got in some yoga and arm/butt challenge. 

Friday Weigh In #5

I ended January with a bang. 8.4lbs lost total. 

I exceeded my goal of 6 and that made me a pretty happy girl considering the crazy week I had. I think getting out every day and doing some type of exercise is really helping me to manage my stress. Some days, especially the freezing ass cold ones, are hard but I always feel better. I also noticed that I have slept very well this week. 

And look at my Calendar! Goodbye January, on to February!

Day 19

F*ck yeah it's Friday and 70 degrees! We went for a run and then hit the dog park. My little puppy was passed out at 8pm. I enjoyed 2 hours of peace last night :) 

Day 18

Had a interview today and it went well. After the stress of preparing and the interview itself, I had a huge headache. I went for a walk and then did some yoga. 

Day 17

I always feel like a beast after a good lift. Did upper body tonight and a little elliptical. 

Day 16

Tuesday sucked. I didn't sleep last night and had no energy today. Just went out for a long dog walk. 

Day 15

Monday, I hate you. Out for a 3 miler with the pup. Still feeling sore from that 10K (so sad huh?)

Day 21

Took Molly for a walk. I procrastinated all day because it was freezing and I was super sore from yesterday. End result? It was stil cold and windy as hell. I also did some yoga to stretch out my poor legs and arms. Should've did some foam rolling too.