God I hate pictures

Ever notice how pictures seem like a rude awakening? I had to do pictures and measurements today for the challenge. It's somewhat discouraging, because I have made progress and it feels like it doesn't show up in the photo. But I just think about what a picture 10 or 20 lbs ago must look like....yikes!! But I went back through some old emails and my body fat is down! Woot! So I just gotta keep pushing. It's a starting point and I don't plan on staying here! 

I also realized today that I have more work to do on portion control. Ashley made lunch today (tilapia and pasta) and I was still hungry after. I tried to wait it out, but I ended up getting a yogurt and hummus with pretzels. I think she felt bad like I didn't get enough food, but in reality, I believe it's me! So I'm going to be more diligent with using the measuring cups. I also need to memorize this chart, so I can remain diligent even when I'm out. 

                                        

I also have not been calorie counting. I know, I know, you must think I'm crazy and setting myself up for failure. Every time I got serious about losing weight, I would count calories. That was my go to and what I had to do to lose weight. But Honestly, it was making me crazy because I felt like I never had time to do it and I was always scrambling to update and it became a source of stress. And once I stopped, the weight came back. Why? It wasn't a sustainable process for me. I used to think it was lack of willpower, but what I have learned from my trainer is that willpower is in finite supply. I think on past attempts and you know when things were the easiest? When I avoided people and situations that would tempt and test me. I lost weight, but I was also dreadfully lonely. I can't live my life like that. 

So I'm working on creating habits that I can live with. 

A few I'm working on:

1. Aiming for drinking a gallon of water a day

2. Eating protein and produce with every meal 

3. Picking one starchy item per meal 

I'm also researching intuitive eating. I've read a few articles and came to the conclusion that I don't even know my own hunger/fullness cues. I don't have that awareness at all. I eat way too fast and I'm conditioned to eat based on what time if day it is. Kinda feeling like one of Pavlov's dogs. 

The fast eating started when I was a kid. With so many of us at the dinner table, if you wanted seconds, especially on taco night, I had to beat my two brothers to seconds. As I got older, it always feels like I'm eating on the go. You know what slows me down? Being on a date or food that you have to put in a little work to eat. 

With the new job, what time we eat lunch is based on what meetings there are for the day and when it's a good time to break from training. Typically I would say I'm a noon eater, but I've experienced lunch at 11am, 1130am, 1230pm, 1pm, and even 130pm in the last 3 weeks. I was not pleased with a 11am lunch, but once I got my lunch out, I was hungry and I ate. I also had days where for some reason, I didn't feel hungry till 1ish. It's crazy! 

The experiment continues......weight loss really is a mental battle