Slump

I have been in a serious slump. I'm exhausted and I have no motivation. It feels like I can't even get a moment to breathe. I'm also in a state of denial as to why I am wearing skirts/dresses/anything stretchy. And it feels like the hole is getting bigger. I'm afraid that one day I'm going to wake up 500lbs. My parents are worried and keep pointing out that I need to manage my stress. So much so, I'm getting annoyed. I know I have a problem and I want to be left alone to figure it out!

So I did what I do best....research! Best ways to motivate yourself (again):

1. Think about why you started
2. Find inspiration
3. Talk to someone supportive
4. Think positive thoughts
5. Commit Publicly
6. Think about your goal daily
7. Visualize hitting your goal 

I started because of health and that I did not enjoy the way I looked. I remember the day my doctor threatened me with high cholesterol meds if I didn't get the weight off. I remember crying in the parking lot because it felt like something you'd see on the biggest loser show and I couldn't believe I was THAT large.

I talked to my friend Vic today. He recently posted progress pics and so I asked him how he stayed motivated. He takes weekly progress pictures and looks at them to remind himself that he doesn't want to go back to that picture. He also said ask yourself what you can do today so you are better tomorrow. Then he's like you have the ability to achieve the results I have. You can do this.

And I started telling him about work messing up getting to classes, the horrible commute, the guilt over my dog being left in the cage, the lack of sleep....

He simply says those are all excuses.

My first reaction?

I was pissed. He doesn't know how it is! He doesn't have a dog. How dare he say that? 

Then he starts asking questions. What time do you get home? 7pm. Well gym's open till 11pm. I don't want to go that late. Then go in the morning. I don't have time, I need to take Molly out. Wake up earlier. Uhhh no. Well you can take Molly running. Running hurts right now. Then get that ass to the gym.

Do you know how dumb you feel to hear your excuses out loud and to hear someone so easily find a solution to everything you can come up with?

He says well that's the price of success. You have to change to get where you want to be because what you're doing right now isn't working. And I know you can do this. I believe in you. Go take some pictures, send them to me, and lets get started.

Well I took those pictures in a sports bra and workout pants. Words can't describe what a picture of yourself can do to you. (Anger....shame...sadness....frustration....) Its like glass shattering or having icy cold water thrown on you. I just......can't look like this anymore. Try it for yourself...I can't even decipher all I feel looking at that picture, but I know I want to change.

He also sent me a video on motivation. Its an hour long so Ill listen to that on the drive tomorrow. Time to start again and find a better way. 

#8 -> take a picture of yourself and study it