Realistic Expectations

Today was a much better day than yesterday. I went to bed angry last night because I didn't get to finish everything I wanted to do. Today I realized it's never going to happen. There's just not enough time in the day.

 I also underestimated the amount of time and patience needed to train a dog. We had our first obedience class Sunday and our big thing to work on is relaxation. My dog is in a constant state of anxiety because I am constantly anxious. My dog doesn't relax because I don't relax. And the trainer scared me when he said as she gets older, this can lead to giving her a heart attack. It's one thing to give myself a heart attack (which will happen if I don't get this weight off), but quite another to give your poor dog one. The crazy thing, when he started pointing out behaviors and I could honestly see what he was talking about. It made me feel like a bad mom and I was determined to take our homework for relaxation seriously!

Ironically, I've been examining my own behavior these last two days. I wake up and my mind starts going a 100 thoughts per second. I'm analyzing time, today's agenda, and rushing about to get things done before I leave. My mind goes all day until I go to sleep. And some nights, even sleep is hard because I start thinking about the future and all kinds of crazy things.

So I am trying to learn to turn it off when I come in the door because I have to be calm for her. We had a moment yesterday after the dog park where I made her sit/stay and just watched her. She had crazy eyes, tail going nuts and breathing like a damn horse. I'm like omg calm down! 

I'm slowly getting better. I had a moment today where I started the "I didn't get this done" thoughts and then I thought about my happy list. I went to lifting class after work. I ate healthy all day because my prep was done and it was delicious. We went to the dog park and practiced our obedience stuff. That is enough. It has to be enough, it's the whole list!

Of course you know me, I'm still not satisfied. I could've cleaned a little, did some yoga, some meditation, read car reviews, started looking for MBA schools, plane tickets for a wedding, and dammit there's still laundry....the list goes on. 

I'm working on the list being enough and being satisfied with that as a days work. Because guess what? It's 9:57pm and this girl needs sleep! I learned the hard way how important sleep is :/