An Honest Conversation with Myself

5ams are kicking my butt. Its Wednesday and I am dead  tired.   But, I'm doing it! The prep the night before makes my morning much more enjoyable. After a power walk with Molly, I actually feel refreshed and ready to tackle the day in a positive mood. And I've hit my workouts this week.

What's the difference? I don't give myself options. I HAVE to get up at 5am and after work I HAVE to go to the gym. It seems,simpler in my head because now I'm not trying to think of several different scenarios. I never realized how much brain power I wasted doing this:

Night before: "I'm working out in the am"

AM: "I'm still sleepy, I'll work out after work because I really should get sleep"

After Work: "Molly's been in the crate all day, I feel guilty or I really just want a moment to relax on the couch. I'll workout when I get home"

Get Home: "I'm hungry. I want dinner"

So I'd make dinner, then needed digesting time and then it's 7pm. Maybe 1 out of 4 times, I'd have the willpower to go workout, but mostly, I didn't. Hence why I'm not at my goals.

Habits. I don't know why it's taken me so long to realize this. I think in some part of my head, I thought I was being flexible and not a "slave to a schedule", but really, I've just been counterproductive. The flexibility is supposed to come in 10% of the time, where there's a special occasion or last minute event, not every day (slaps head).

So habits! Two other bad ones are I'm always trying something new and I don't always finish things. Why?

I'm addicted to new. The beginning is always exciting and your motivation then tapers off. Things also get hard and new isn't so fun anymore. It seems boring and then I'm off to something else. I was addicted to running half's, you see that has tapered off because I went so extreme with it and hurt myself. I've been back running this winter and it makes me sad because the last thing my brain remembers is where I used to be. But, I did discover a happy medium. I like to run 3-4 times a week instead of trying to hit 5-6 times. It allows me to do bootcamp classes and my times were starting to improve before my stupid calf injury.

I don't finish things falls in line with starting new things. It gets hard, I get bored and/or de-motivated. Plus, I was reading an article about goal setting and realized that I come up with goals, but not the plan to achieve them. Coming up with goals is exciting. I'm in love with the idea of being able to do pushups, pullups, and handstands. How bad ass right? Especially for a girl! I wanna be THAT girl!
Ask me what I'm doing to get there......

*cue crickets*

Ironically, my trainer posted a video about how to progress to full pushups. There's actually a series of different exercises you can do a few times a week to work your way up. I know it exists for headstands (I have a yoga book) and sure I can google it for pullups.

Yup. Work your way up, as in a plan, with steps, and you start at step 1, not step 50.

Let's be honest. Work sucks. Nobody sits around and talks about all the little steps they take. It's not until the task is finished that we say "look what I did!". Depending on the friend, you may know the struggle. You may know about how they didn't get any sleep, but still got up to work out the next day. Or how they managed to stay healthy during a work function. (Its hard to pass up free alcohol or fancy dinners!)

Which brings me to the word commitment. Being committed is so different than just wanting something. I know it's different, so does everyone who speaks english. But I never considered what being committed means in terms of MY life and actions. I've had moments, where I was committed. I did well in the bootcamp challenge because it spoke to my competitive side and I wanted to win. I had the goal (win challenge) and I followed the plan (nutrition & workout) laid out by my trainer. 

But overall, I have not been committed and I have no clear plan = why I am not at my goals. 

>_<

You know what makes this shameful? I solve problems for a living and I'm good at it. And this my friends, is just another problem to solve! Wish I could've did my TBP or green belt project on weight loss.....maybe I will for fun.

(Did I really just have that thought? I need a vacation.)