Happy NYE!!!!

I learned a lot this year and I have been working on setting myself up for next year. I'm trying to make things more visual so two things I came up with:

#1: Workout Calendar -> star for every day I workout. Goal is 5-6 stars/week. The post it note is a reminder of my monthly goal. 

#2: Workout Diary -> To keep track of workouts I do at bootcamp and weights when I lift. Yes, I had time on my hands over vacation and I found the idea on pinterest, don't judge!

The only promise I am making to myself is to not let one bad day turn into 2 bad days or a bad week. I am halfway through day 2 and I already feel more energetic. Yes, I am sore from last nights weights and this mornings run, but I feel accomplished! A good way to close out 2013. Farewell! 

HaPpy NeW YeArS FriENdS!

I Lied.. We start on Monday :)

This was me this morning:

I ended up just going for a walk with Molly, which was better than nothing. It gave me some time to think about what was bugging me today. It's my last day of relaxation. Tomorrow, it's back to all of life's responsibilities and stresses. I wish I could prolong it all for another week! I'm not ready for all this...it feels like a heavy weight is settling back on my shoulders. But I think about all the things I want to accomplish this next year.

Accomplishments take action. Change takes movement. I keep thinking about how hard change will be and its kinda scary. I keep thinking about everything I have to give up and all the times I have failed before. But at the same point, why would I want to change unless it was for the better? Who wouldn't want to be healthier, have more energy, and increased confidence, to name a few?

So I'm going to start small and focus on everything that I'm going to GAIN. First thing being that eating healthier foods will give me more energy for the day. 

I'm going to need that energy to hit these goals:

1. Exercising 5-6 times a week 

2. Tracking food daily in Fitness Pal 

3. Weekly Friday Weigh-Ins 

Overall, my goal is still 170lbs.

 But to have a reasonable monthly goal, I've decided on 6lbs a month. 

So I think that covers it. I set small specific goals (check!) and now the next part, 

the HARDEST part, is to execute.

Wish me luck.... 

First Day Back

I had the worst work of my life today. Everything. Hurt. 

Every mile was tough.

But I finished.

I guess that's what I get for taking so much time off and eating every holiday goodie I came across. I feel exactly like this picture: 

Next year, I will work on surviving the holiday better. For now, we start at the beginning. Working out, eating at home, tracking in fitnesspal, and being consistent. 

Merry Christmas Eve!

I have been gone for a minute. It's that time of year and the insanity is turned up 100%. I'm scrambling to finish work stuff so I can go on vacation, making things for holiday parties, and trying to see people before they head out of town for Christmas.

IT. IS. EXHAUSTING!!!!!!!!!!

Plus all the food. Extremely good food, especially things I don't make or eat on a regular basis. I will 100% admit that I have thrown everything out the window and indulged in whatever my little heart desired. I'm slowly starting to reign myself in, but I'm not officially being hardcore till Jan 1. The only thing I am trying to do this vacation is get in some type of exercise daily whether it's a workout or a long walk. 

I can't say I know anyone who survives this time of year well. It seems like we all just take a break, try to at least exercise, accept the fact that we'll gain 5-10lbs from all the food, and be ready to start Jan 1. But when I think on it, if you're consistent the rest of the year, is a week or two going to kill you? That's a puzzle for another day. 

I have been spending a lot of time in reflection. I started this blog in July and have been trying to summarize what I have learned over these 5 months. I have made some progress, I have learned a lot about nutrition and types of workouts to support my goals, but the biggest has been recognizing the mental limitations I put on myself.

I think about all the times I let setbacks frustrate me so much that one "bad" day turn into weeks, instead of just one bad day. I think about how the drive to be perfect caused me to beat myself up over  a missed workout, a bad meal, or not hitting my macros when overall, it was a good day. And all this beating up of myself didn't allow me to appreciate how far I had come, when all I could see is how far I had to go. And all that negativity is depressing. You can't succeed when you're picking yourself apart instead of lifting yourself up. One of the things that has helped me is trying to be a better friend to myself. I think about how my friends are with me. They encourage me, cheer me on, celebrate my successes, and sometimes give me that tough love I need. But they are NEVER mean or degrading, so I won't do that to myself anymore! 

This is what I have been working on over my vacation. Armed with all the knowledge I now have, how do I set myself up to succeed? This has been interesting because I want and feel like I need to do everything. I wanna run, lift, take bootcamp classes PLUS I need to stretch and do yoga. How the hell am I going to fit this all in?!?!! I'm working on it and I know I can't do everything. I realized I can stretch, foam roll, and do yoga while watching TV instead of being on facebook or pinterest. Running I can do with Molly. I did find a simple beginner lift program that is 4x a week; you hit upper and lower body twice a week. 

I did upper body 1 plus abs on Sunday, which I finished in 45 mins and that's including all the playing around to find the right weight. So I think I can get that down to 30 mins flat. I'll do upper body 2 plus abs this week, but I figure it'll take the same amount of time.  With all the bootcamp (lots of squats, lunges, plus kettlebell class!)  and running I want to do, I'm going to start with one leg session, mixing moves of both into one. Depending on how one full week goes, I might have to drop a run or maybe bootcamp is enough leg strength exercises. This first month will be full of some tweaking. 

Goals-wise, I am narrowing the focus to one month at a time and plan to celebrate each month. Those months add up! Still working on what these targets are, but we'll be back to weekly Friday weigh-ins.

So for Christmas, I did indeed treat myself! I got my hair DID (dyed and cut), bought an upgraded interval timer (great for interval runs and circuit workouts www.gymboss.com ), and putting together this plan for 2014.

Merry Christmas all, I plan to indulge and ENJOY my loved ones!

Ooooo Friday!!

I am brain dead today. I kept waking up last night for some reason. When I finally crawled out of bed, my whole body hurt. I'm moving slow today, even though I have a ton to accomplish.

These are dangerous days. The kind where I forget to care about being healthy because somehow those decisions feel extra tough today. And I'm tired...I want to relax and have everything be easy today.

I almost slipped at lunch. I decided I wanted a sandwich, so I stopped at Which Wich. I wanted bread dammit!!! Well when I started filling out my order, I saw that they had lettuce-wiches and I changed my mind about bread. I got chips instead because they had cheddar sour cream ruffles. Mmm mmm mmm.....

So I get back from lunch and forgot about the "cookie exchange" at work. Basically everyone bought or made cookies. I had two small homemade chocolate chip cookies and a bite of rice krispie, but I'm still thinking about the sugar cookie I passed up..... I could eat it, but that would leave me with a pretty depressing dinner.

And its not like I deprived myself, I had some cookies! Move on girl..... go have some tea or water....Which are also located in the break room. I'm gonna have to speed walk in and out without making eye contact! See no cookie....eat no cookie!

Why am I still thinking about cookies any way? I swear my brain would be obese if it wasn't for my skull keeping it in check!

Its the weekend...I'm ready to party... in moderation. At least I'm going to try :)

Another Sunday

All prepped for another week. I noticed that my stress tends to increase as we get closer to Friday and my will power decreases.

Last week was insane with the ice storm, seeing old coworkers, and the arrival of Jenny's baby. After the 3 hour drive home Friday, I was toast. I ate whatever I wanted. Being iced in, it was leftover spaghetti, granola cereal, cheese, popcorn, and I made cookies from scratch because I was bored. In short, I ate a ton of carbs and I can see it in the belly area.

So this week, I'm focusing on making wed/thur/fri on point days. Christmas party is Saturday so saving some indulgence for then.

Pursuit of Happiness

So I read an article that really got me thinking today. 

So much so, I think this post is going to get long so grab some coffee :P

The article was titled "Relax Your Way Fat Loss". 

(click here for full article: "Relax Your Way to Fat Loss"). 

 It talked about how we women strive so hard for our body goals that it takes the fun out of life. We push and deprive ourselves all for the sake of reaching these goals, thinking these goals = happiness. This then creates a cycle of self-hatred when we fail, which makes the journey even more miserable and you even more unlikely to succeed.

Self-hatred? I don't hate myself you may be thinking. But read this quote:

"How many times will you utter phrases like:

I can’t eat that.

I’m so fat/disgusting/weak.

I have no will power.

I’ll never look like her.

I wish this was easier.

You’ll go to bed hungry. You’ll eat food that bores you. 

You’ll work out harder and longer as self-punishment."

 I'm guilty. And you know what? It only makes you feel WORSE. Instead of overcoming obstacles, this kind of talk makes me just want to sit down and not even try. And I have given up many times. "I can't eat that" has ruined many a good day for me. Its made me so frustrated that I get angry and feel so deprived that I can't think about any food because of all the stuff I can't eat anymore. And you know what happens when you tell me I can't anything? I go straight for it, ruin my day, and then I'm wallowing in "I have no will power". 

Next great quote:

"The question is, once you reach that arbitrary goal, will you truly be content? Will you unconditionally love the skin you’re in? Chances are you won’t. You’ll have spent the last 6 weeks, 6 months, 6 years—struggling. You’ll hustle, strive, and completely exhaust yourself." 

I remember when I first starting noticing and hating my size. It was senior year of high school. I finally outgrew being a tom boy and wanted to be seen as a girl. I wanted to go on dates and have boyfriends too! I was tired of being fat so I started eating less and less. I did get pretty extreme, it got to the point where I would throw up at lunch and at night. I'm pretty sure my friends knew, but if the subject ever got brought up I got evil, said hurtful things, and redirected the attention to something else. I was so exhausted from working out and not eating that I would sleep a lot. My mom had no idea. She actually did confront me about all the sleeping thinking that I was pregnant. Nope mom, I had only kissed a boy at this point. 

My high school graduation party. I ate....and threw up later

What saved me, though she'll say I'm being dramatic, is this blonde girl who lived down the hall in my freshman dorm. She confronted me about it and said I had to stop and come eat with her. And that's how Jenny walked into my life. She showed me how to workout and make better eating choices. Though with all the drinking, I think we had 18 year old metabolisms doing most of the work. But we'd start with a mile, workout and/or play basketball, and end with a mile. Every day. I was able to run a 8 min mile at that point. So freshman 15? Not for this girl....I actually lost 30 lbs.

Lightest weight ever.... 209 lbs

But that's just where the story began. I went home that summer and gained most of it back. 

Why? 

People started treating me differently and it was like I was standing in a spotlight. I actually got attention from guys too, which actually was more terrifying than I ever thought. (be careful what you wish for). And the change, I couldn't handle. At the time, I correlated the change in other's behavior to my weight loss (instead of the increased confidence and happiness I exuded) and it made me feel like ME wasn't good enough. I'm the same person I always was, just 30 lbs lighter. It was everywhere. How people would treat me at parties, in stores, at restaurants, at home.... it made me angry and it also made me feel exposed. I never realized that I used the weight to keep people at a distance. I went back to my comfort zone. I wanted to hide because I felt really insecure and not good enough. I became determined to show "the world" that I would live a great life and accomplish all my goals even with the extra weight. I can do anything a "skinny" person can do. My weight won't hold me back! 

Fast forward, I've spent the last say 7 years on the weight loss roller coaster.

Up and down. 

Up and down. 

"When you hate yourself lean, you’ll create an impossible situation for yourself. It will never be enough. You will never be enough. It will last until your will power crumbles. You’ll jump from one diet to the next…in search of elusive happiness. Hating your body into transformation simply is not sustainable." 

So why is now different? Over the years, I have become more confident and settled into who I am, but I am still learning to love my body. I do more than I did 7 years ago and even a few months ago. I have moments where I catch myself in the mirror or I catch a picture and actually think WOW. I'm proud to say those moments happen more often these days. 

But I've also changed my point on view. I'm no longer obsessed with a size or a number, rather I find that I take more pride in chasing goals based on what my body can do. I find that I no longer want to be skinny or look like some actress, but that I want to be the best version of me. I don't care that I am bigger than other girls because even when I reach my goal, I'm 5'8 with broad shoulders and EVERYONE is short in Texas. Sure, I have some physiques that I admire, but I'm not trying to be her. I want to be me. 

I get more perspective the deeper I go into these thoughts. It took me till this post to finally realize why I let go of all that hard work freshman year.  The reasons why people are overweight are never cut and dry. Nobody wants to be overweight, we're all struggling with some pretty nasty demons.

And you know what really makes me happy? The memories of this journey that I've shared with the people I love. The training runs I did with Jenny and Ashley. Our Texas crew turning out to support us at our races. Running around a lake while visiting Eric and Rebecca. Running Turkey Trots with my Dad. Taking my first yoga class with Tai. Teaching my crazy dog to run with me. 

I want to live my life full of moments like this, not ones where I'm holed up in a gym slaving away or too afraid to go out because I'll wreck my "diet".  Because honestly, I'm getting healthier so that I can be around for these people and my future husband/children/family. I'm pushing myself because I have goals that require more strength, more speed, more endurance. I want to see how far I can go. 

And I can't do all that hating on myself.

Day 3

Today  I got up at 6am and took Molly for a run. We averaged a 12 min mile pace and I was pleased with that. It's nice to see 12 instead 13 or 14...I am improving and making my way down to 10! I plan to start running my last mile on Mondays as fast as I can to see if I can get a 10 min mile. My fastest to day is 10:24, so pretty confident I can accomplish that before the year is up. And then the 2014 goal will be to average that pace. 

I had light breakfast. Just greek yogurt and coffee. I got too busy for my protein shake and I was meeting Jenny for lunch so I skipped it. Lunch was great, I had half a ham panini, spring salad, and buttercake for dessert. Then we went and walked 3 miles. I wish every lunch could be like this. I went back to the office feeling refreshed and ready to get back to work. 

First thing, I took Molly for a nice long walk with the sun was still out. Dinner was egg whites with garlic and white cheddar cheese since I was carb-heavy for lunch. It's not a punishment, just re-adjusting my intake to support my goals for the day. I did some running around tonight, so yoga didn't happen, but planning a killer interval run for tomorrow. It's dropping down to 30 degrees so I had to get thicker running gloves. I HATE when my hands are cold!

Overall, I finally feel like ME again. I have energy to get through my day without wanting a nap or feeling like crap. I don't cringe when I look in the mirror because I know I'm doing what I'm supposed to. My muscles are sore and I know that's because I've worked them hard. My back, my glutes, my hammys, and my abs BURN.

I freaking love it! 

Day 2

Today was a good day. Still had a rough time getting up this morning, but my energy was good throughout the day. No 15 min catnap at lunch needed today. I had yogurt, coffee, and a protein shake for breakfast. The morning went by fast! Then lunch was ground turkey, veggies, and rice. The afternoon was crazy as well, but by 3pm, I was starving. I forgot my snack, so I was downing water like a fool till I could go home. I think I almost chewed my own fingers eating my cheese slices after work. 

Today's workout was kettlebell class. It was killer. We learned a new move, the turkish getup. That sucker is so hard and we were practicing without a kettlebell. Coordination is not my strong point....yet! I'm feeling pretty good right now, but I have a feeling that I am going to cry tomorrow! 

Thanksgiving Aftermath...

Today was Day 1 of burning off Thanksgiving.

 Kitchen is stocked for the week, workouts planned, and Monday morning was a bitch like usual. 

 My clothes felt tight. My skin is full of blemishes. My energy is in the toilet.

 To sum it up, I feel like a bloated round little troll. 

Every time I look in the mirror, I cringe. 

But today wasn't about how I felt. Today was about getting back on track. Today was about getting back to feeling good inside and out. 

I felt better as the day went on. I had coffee then greek yogurt, protein shake, and sunflower seeds. I made it my mission to drank as much water as possible. I peed like a champ. Lunch was ground turkey, veggies, and rice with taco seasoning, lime juice and cilantro. Satisfied, but not stuffed like a turkey. More water and with every pee, I hoped the bloat was going down. Snack was carrots and slices of pepper jack cheese. More water. 

I had some granola about 30 mins before going to class. There was a moment where I wanted to skip out and just sit on the couch, but no, today was about getting back on track. I'm glad I went. Once I got there, I just had to follow directions. It felt good to be back. 

The funny thing? Your mind picks up right where you left off and forgets that your body just took a week off. So yeah I was focused on completing reps, burning calories, and ignoring how I felt. Well I hit that point.... I was doing rows and  then I had to throw up.....

and then I finished my workout :)

For dinner I had Italian sausage with cheddar cheese, broccoli and cauliflower. Finishing up the last of my water. Today was a good day. Today was an "I'm back!" day. 

I'm going to go enjoy the last hour before bedtime.

And tomorrow is a new day.

Spilt Personality

Ever felt like there’s a war going on inside of your heard between your “Fit” and “Fat” Personalities? I do. I was thinking about that this morning. This weekend was a whirlwind and I feel like mentally I’m toast. I looked back at my posts, Turducken didn’t bother me, but Sunday? Sunday I didn’t care, but today, I CARE A LOT. I am racking my brain thinking why why why did you completely throw Sunday away?

I gave up. I let the excuses in (tired, cold weather, too lazy to cook). I told myself Monday.

Today, I feel like a completely different person. I’m ready to be “back”, I’m ready to work, I remember my goals! I’ve realized these complete 180s that I’m doing, are not healthy and probably going to give me stretch marks. Plus, I’m not making progress! I’m in a continual cycle of working off overindulgences.

So I started reading through our challenge stuff and I think I found my missing piece.

A maintenance plan.

I know what I need to do when I’m ready to be hard core, 100% complaint, and make progress. But to have that drive 100% of the time is impossible. I have not done it. I am doing much better breaking it into chunks, but even on the Jean Drop Challenge, I wasn’t 100% good for all 6 weeks. (side note: I think a month long compliance challenge is coming Jan 1 lol)

My first thought is that I have so much weight to lose, how can I possibly think about a MAINTENANCE plan? Isn’t that for people who have reached goal?

More and more…I realize it’s going to take longer than I initially thought. Why? Because being 100% on plan is HARD. I get sick of the food I have to eat, I feel trapped by all the planning, and I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect that I stress out! I could do it if I gave up having a social life, but then I would be miserable. The misery isn’t worth it. I don’t want to miss out every event, I already say no to enough of them. And these moments, we don’t get back.

At least with a maintenance plan, I stay where I am instead of sliding backward, which is what I am currently doing. And I know I’m not ok because I’m still thinking about Sunday and it makes me feel BAD. I shouldn’t feel bad! I dislike these feelings because they’re so so negative! I have really been trying to be more positive about the weight loss. I notice that cheering myself on rather than beating myself up gets me A LOT further. I should not be punished for making mistakes trying to improve my health! Do we punish babies for trying to take their first steps? No! We encourage them to keep trying. While that seems dramatic, it’s the same thing, I am attempting something new for ME.

So a maintenance plan….. it’s honestly what this holiday challenge is all about. I need to finish reading these 14 pages (sorry to those I shared, I didn’t realize it was so long!) and figure out what is going to work for me because roller coaster highs and lows….send me straight into a binge.

 

Any good maintenance tips? Please share!

Sunday Funday

Lemon ricotta pancakes were to die for. I did not even need much syrup. Cheesecake factory brunch is awesome, but not healthy.

Dinner was vegetable Lo Mien. I wanted comfort food in the cold weather and I did not care that this photo was being posted. I just mentally fell apart today. 

Turducken Day

Started off  with a 5 mile run. The weather is perfect. Then I had coffee. I was not really hungry and with Turducken later, I did not bother eating.

I arrived and stood near the veggies. I enjoyed some celery and peppers. Then I got to talking ... well I had some little sausages, two coconut macroons, and bread bowl dip. I removed myself from the food and enjoyed 2 cups of mulled wine. 

We didnt eat till 5ish and I was starving by then. The good thing? I only stuck to one plate,  even though it was a lot of carbs  -_-

Yeah and I had a dessert plate. It was awesome.....and guess who has another serious workout planned tomorrow?

 

What I did notice is how much not drinking heavily helped! But holy shit, I am so over food....

Trying Something New

I've been thinking about my shortcomings and how to survive the holidays. One of my biggest pitfalls is keeping myself accountable. Where is my biggest area for improvement? Eating. I'll be good for a bit then get relaxed and some of the naughty food starts sneaking in. Next thing I know, the scale is up because all those little deviations add up.

So how am I going to keep myself mindful? I'm going to start taking pictures of everything I eat. Kind of like a picture food diary. When I think about posting, it's going to make me think twice about what I eat. And feel free to comment or text me when I get off path. Make me feel the shame lol.

I'm going to start today because Turducken is a feast and I don't need to pack myself so full that I'm uncomfortable. So wish me luck!

Happiness is a Slippery Slope

So this week was not great. I didn't even weigh myself because I can FEEL the extra weight! What happened?

The week started out good, but then I got caught up in all the weeks events. Being one of the winners for the challenge put me on a high and I didn't pay attention to what I was putting in my mouth. I'm still stuffed from our potluck yesterday.

There was a small win at the potluck, I had a good helping of turkey, then only a spoonful of several different sides and desserts. Those spoonfuls add up and I think next time I need to chose a few to sample, not sample ALL of them!

Workout wise: I rested Monday, Tuesday I ran, Wednesday I walked, Thursday I ran, and tonight I plan to do TRX circuit and some yoga. Saturday is going to be a long run. The number 7 keeps popping in my head....I need something big before I head to Turducken!

Overall, I need to get back on track, its holiday season! I already hurt myself at the potluck, so keeping that at the front of  my brain when I tackle these other events. I'm celebrating getting together with people, that's what it's all about! The laughter, hanging out, pictures, and good memories.....not getting together with food. I know I don't want to hit Jan 1 and have gained weight!

Honestly, I'm going to try to lose. I know that's an aggressive goal for this time of year, but I'm up for the challenge! I do get a weekly splurge meal and I know how the rest of the week needs to go in order to have that meal and still lose.

Lots of water, protein, and veggies today to flush the system. I feel like a stuffed turkey...bleh! Also, I need to get my ass back to 5ams, no excuses. I think I need to ask Rebecca for wake up texts [pretty please ;) ].

Victory!

So I'm proud to say that I was one of the three winners for our boot camp challenge!!!!!

 

I was so excited and in shock. I had to read this a couple times because my brain shut down. Is that really my name being announced? And in the heat of the moment, I shared this on facebook...yup ALLLL of me out there. Right now I'm like oh goodness and can't wait for this to be lost in my newsfeed, but hey, I'm proud of what I did.

 

So we all met up at Buckle, where they had dressing rooms with our names on them and jeans already picked out for us to start with. I have never shopped in Buckle because I was pretty sure they didn't carry my size. And I was really nervous about this trip because I didn't know if anything would fit me. I realized that I'm moving in to "normal" sizes. Normal meaning I don't have to find a plus size store to feel comfortable about finding something that would fit me. I mentioned this trip to Jenny and she's like you'll be addicted. I disagreed because I could NOT fathom spending $150 on jeans! Well.....after trying on about 7 different pairs, I get why they are expensive.

 

THEY. ARE. AWESOME.

 

I have never had jeans fit so nicely everywhere! And I can't wait to wear them. The pair I got were $72 and there were others that were $150, but I wasn't spending more than the gift card I won. Especially when I don't plan on sticking around in this size.

 

But let's just say, I'm more motivated now to keep pushing forward. I can't wait for the day when I'm at one size and can start filling my closet with clothes that I know I'll still wear in 6 months. That is definitely one of the hardest parts of this journey. I feel like if I start buying a ton of clothes, I'll get complacent and stuck at that size. But at the same time, it sucks wearing things that are too big and not feeling attractive in your own clothes. Trust me, I am going to be on a huge shopping mission once I get where I want to be. There are so many looks I'd like to try!

 

But for once, shopping ended in smiles instead of being frustrated with being so big and wishing I was smaller. Today was just one of those really special moments in my journey. I won a competition, I shopped in a store I never thought possible, and I found jeans that fit!

 

Don't be surprised if you see me in these jeans often, I am going to wear the shit out of them before they're too big :)

 

Sunday Recap

Oh my, where do I even start? It was a crazy busy week/weekend!

I made my last week count. I was on plan knowing that the final try on was coming Saturday and I was talking Vic out to Brazilian Steakhouse for his birthday. So my jeans did fit better, but it is weird where your body decides to let go of weight. Right around the waist band was still snug, but I could shove both my hands down my pants and probably hide two beers there. Anyways, pictures and the winner will be announced on Monday. There were plenty of people looking good in their jeans so we'll see! 

Then we had our challenge. I seriously hate planks, but guess what!?! Our team won the challenge! I also had the biggest % improvement. I went from 42 sec to 2 min 4 sec. 

We got certificates and epsom bath salt. I was so pumped I had to take a picture and yes, this is hanging on the fridge right now.

Here's the end of the challenge fitness stats. And I realized that I hit one of my 2013 fitness goals with achieveing a 2 min plank! Yay! Now on to chase the 10 min/mile pack and those damn pushups.....

After that, I stayed for bootcamp and it kicked my ass. Every station had an ab move and one lovingly had planks. My abs were shot after this workout, but I'm glad I went considering the gluttony that was happening later. Brazilian Steakhouse was amazing and I seriously did hurt myself. I had a hard time sleeping and when I woke up, I knew I needed a hardcore workout. 

So I went out to do stairs with some bootcamp girls. This amphitheater is 10 mins from my house and it was a killer workout. I felt like I was sweating out meat and it made me happy :P

Then I did a quick grocery, took Molly to the dog park, and then was quite the little chef today. I made taco meat and veggies, cilantro rice, almond butter chocolate chip cookies, seasoned turkey burgers, and roasted a spaghetti squash. I am ready for a week of healthy!

So the challenge is over and I was reflecting over the past 6 weeks. I am so proud that I started and finished!  And I got results. I am faster, stronger, and smaller. The macros work for me and tracking seems to become easier each week. One of the tips our trainer gave us was to eat protein, veggies, and then have either fat OR starch. That simple rule of thumb has helped tremendously when I feel overwhelmed by a menu or not being able to find some in fitnesspal. 

I also noticed that I now act like a detective rather than a victim. When a craving hits, instead of just giving in and feeling shitty/helpless/upset about it later, I start going through my checklist: 

am I bored? 

tired?

 hungry? 

dehydrated? 

stressed? 

did I have enough protein/fat/veggies today?

The last thing I have noticed is that I am a much more positive person. I don't beat myself up, I get up and try again. I have my bad days and sometimes I get carried away, but I've stopped hating myself for being human. I can honestly say I KNOW what I need to do. And if I decide to deviate, well, those results will take a bit longer. I'm inspired and energized to keep moving forward and progressing! 

On to the next one ;)

7 Days Left!

Today was a good day!

Got up, had a healthy breakfast, then went to my first official yoga class. I'm glad I started practicing with Tai before so I actually knew the moves instead of being totally lost. I felt amazing after class. So relaxed, peaceful, and got some kinks out. And seeing some of the other people, my goodness! Amazing how effortless. This one girl flowed into a headstand so gracefully, I seriously paused and watched. And yeah....yoga bodies ain't bad either! (I want one!!!)

Then we got dressed and went to watch football at a friends house. I had spagetti with turkey sausage and salad. Then dessert was cupcakes and ice cream. (Bad Shawna)

I enjoyed my trip and it was nice to hear the compliments on how great I looked since Tai hasn't seen me in a few months. I think I needed to hear that since I see myself every day. But! I'm hungry for more progress and ready to dive back in. (Back to my ONE cheat meal! Lol)

So happy to be going home, back to routine, and finishing off this challenge!

9 Days Left! (The rest of the post)

So dinner was hibatchi NOT sushi. I had steak and lobster, the veggies, and only a few bites of rice. I actually was only 40 cal over according to fitnesspal for the day...Ill take it!

I know its not perfect, but I'm proud that I tried instead of just saying oh well and eating everything in sight.

But I know next time I travel, I will pack all my snacks with me because we went shopping instead of grocery.

Then we went and listened to poetry, which was a new experience. I was ready to pass out after that!

And I did :)

10 Days Left! And the beginning of Day 9..

Today was crazy busy, exciting, and busy!!!

I was running late and tired, so I had starbucks and a protein bar I grabbed at the last minute.

We finished our work event today. Jason's Deli for lunch so I kept it healthy with a salad.

Then I ran around to pick up the dog from daycare, drop her off home and feed her, then out to dinner with Jenny.

My plan was to grab a protein shake, but I forgot so I was super crazy hungry by time we got to the taco place. I had three tacos and chips with guacamole. Absolutely delicious, but all the salt had me craving sugar.

We went for a walk afterward and came across this cute little shop with ice cream AND I WANTED IT. Well it didn't take much to convince to convince Jenny lol. So I had two scoops of heaven. One was German Chocolate and the other was Cupcake.

Guess what I saw on the scale this morning? Up 1.5lbs. Not surprised with it being THAT week and the salty food I ate last night. Then I went back through a few posts from this last week.

Seriously Shawna???

Yup, I've been indulging a bit much.

I did go get in a super intense sweat session this morning. The gym had new stair masters so I did 45 min of intervals.

I had my shirt drenched with sweat down to my belly button. Ohhhh yeahhhh!

Breakfast was light. Protein shake and cottage cheese. At the airport, I got a grande mocha light frap and sat on the internet till it was time to board.

Drinking a water now, waiting for the birthday girl to pick me up.

Lunch will be a salad and tonight is sushi. I KNOW how to do sushi healthy and we are stopping at the grocery store for healthy snacks.

I've fucked around enough this week, gotta get my head out of my ass!

Bonus: I was actually quite comfy in my airplane seat. Hooray for having a smaller ass! ;)

11 Days Left!

Today wasn't great macros wise, but I was within my calories.

They tricked me and had pizza today for lunch. So I requested a salad and ate a plateful before indulging in two pieces of margherita (tomato and basil and cheese). Then dessert was bundt cake from a local place. It was red velvet with cheesecake icing and might be one of the best things I have ever tasted. Lets just say I got the flyer and plan to bring one to our Thanksgiving get together.

I did get up and run this morning with Molly. It was so ugly because everything was sore from kettlebell class. I probably looked like I was hobbling more so than running, but hey, got it done like I said I would!

After work I decided to take Molly on a long walk and it really helped loosen me up too. Then I did some yoga practice. I prefer to do it over skype with Tai, but I forced myself to start getting in more practices without her guidance to get better. And I'm obsessed obsessed obsessed!!! with the idea of getting a paddle board next summer and taking paddle board yoga classes. I figured I needed to get seriously serious about yoga first ....plus a good paddle board is going to cost $1-$2,000.

Logically, me and yoga need to become BFFs because I NEED everything it has to offer. (Stress relief, increased flexibility, and strength to name a few). You know me, I already have crazy goals like wanting to do a backbend and a handstand. But it wasn't till today, that yoga actually became EXCITING to me.

My friend Tai had her yogi friend type out a beginner sequence for us. I Googled every pose and printed out instructions. I set my interval timer so I practice each pose a minute, then 30sec to quickly read about form, etc. Most of the instructions, I have no idea what they're saying or how the hell I get my body to do THAT.

So honestly, I spend my time moving parts and seeing what happens! Today I was working on bound angle pose and it says don't force your knees down with your hands, use your thigh bones and the rest will follow. Huh? Usually I focus on pulling my knees down, but today, I said what if I contract my thighs and push from there?

BOOM!!!

Knees were closer to the floor!

I was so excited and yes, I felt like a bad ass yoga person. ;)

I kinda realized that if you're good at yoga, you are really aware of your body. And I'm on my way! I also feel relaxed, calm, and ready to tackle the next day :) Glad I made myself practice.

12 Days Left!

Another good day in the books!

It was pouring this morning so I slept in. The rain had stopped by time I got up and I almost thought being late to work would be worth it to get a run in. Then I remembered I had an all day meeting. The worst part about these types of events? Catered food and snacks.

Thankfully today it was Jason's Deli and I got to order my own meal. I got a grilled chicken salad and even opted for the smaller portion. It was weird for a second, picking the smaller portion, but I always used to get as much food as possible! I don't need all that and sometimes that doesn't sink in till after I've ordered. Turns out, it was perfect portion and 430 calories with dressing (and I only used half the dressing). Yes!!! Well within plan!

The day flew and I made it to kettlebell class. I love this class because the soreness sneaks up on you. Plus its great for the lower body and abs. Why abs? Well because if you don't hold your core tight, you start to feel it in your lower back and that's not good. I know my abs are weak so it takes everything I got to remember them the entire class! I foam rolled tonight too because I know I'll be sore as I get out of bed tomorrow.

The dog got her walk, but tomorrow I need to run the hell outta her. I hate all this rain, it makes her twice as crazy! Hoping tomorrow at 5am is clear. -_-

I keep chugging along. One day at a time, pushing myself as much as I can. The finish line is getting closer and I wonder who's gonna win.

13 Days Left!

Today went from good to oops! to grrreat!

Got up early to go for a run with Molly. It was rough to roll out of bed, but once I got running, I was in the zone. I did my last mile in 10:24. Getting closer to that 10 min mile goal! Refueled with a protein smoothie for breakfast.

Work was crazy and I forgot that we had our 12-3 meeting today. I was not prepared. Only thing at my desk was that darn chocolate I won, so I munched on a few.....which turned out to be 10 mini pieces of candy. I finally got to eat a healthy lunch at 3 and that made a huge difference. I had turkey sausage pizza.

Well after the extra candy, I knew I needed to kill it at tonight's strength training workout. We had a challenge workout with a deck of cards. Each suit was a different move with weights and then face cards were cardio moves. Well, me being pumped up, I picked up 15lb weights for this.

OH. MY. GOD. It DESTROYED my arms. And I was sweating like crazy.

I know tomorrow is going to be rough, but I am pleased with bouncing back from the stupid candy. Then I came home and had veggie egg muffins with a protein shake. I knew I was over my calories with the candy, but starving myself is more harmful than helpful. I just got back on plan eating the right foods. After that, I tried another head stand (umm not smart with sore arms) and then I did some foam rolling to get rid of the soreness.

Now time for shower and bed! Day 13 in the bag!

14 Days Left!

Today was a good and relaxing day.

Eating was 100% on point. The next two days are completely mapped out and I have a pretty good idea of what else Ill be making this week.

No tough exercise today, just a long dog walk to tire out Molly. I wanted to do some yoga, but resting on the couch just sounded better :)

And we're down to 2 weeks, I can't believe it. Seems like yesterday that we just started this challenge.

This is going to be a crazy busy week, but I know I can handle this! Time for bath and bed!

15 Days Left!

Today started off with promise.

I got up, had a protein bar, then went for a 2.5 mile jog because I was anxious about Check In #2.

Well Check In went pretty good.

My team won the burpee challenge. I also improved greatly going from 40 to 60 burpees in 3 minutes. I had mad respect for the burpee; it kicked my ass.

My jeans? I think they fit better in the butt, but really not sure.

So after that, I stayed for conditioning class. I thought I was going to die because I lacked the fuel. I was completely done and then I had to walk home since I ran over this morning.

I got the dog and went on a short walk. After that I ate some veggies and cottage cheese. That was no way near enough food.

Then I went to IHop for lunch with Vic, I was starving so I got an omlette and pancakes. Once I plugged in the calories, I was like well I'm stuffed, I won't want to eat any food later so I'm good for the day.

Wrong.

The more active I am, the hungrier I get. I really should've known better that I wasn't going to wait till tomorrow to eat again.

Dammit Shawna.

Then because I was feeling hormonal, lazy, tired, and sore....I had a burger and ice cream.

So this is what happens when you don't eat enough good food. You are tempted and make some not so good choices.

Well tomorrow is another day to do better. It's prep day so I can set myself up for success. Two weeks left and I need to make these count.

16 Days Left!

I had a wonderful Friday since I was off!

Woke up and went for a hike with Jenny and the dogs, then it was off to Dallas!

I did food trucks healthy this time with a grilled pork rice bowl.

Since it was Jenny's first time, I encouraged her to get the ice cream cookie sandwich. At first I thought hmm maybe I will, then I wonder 

if I could just get a scoop of ice cream, to you know what? I always give in, so today is a no!

I enjoyed my lunch slowly, while she went in line and I was so pleased with my food, that I did not have food envy. 

And yes, I may have occupied myself by snapping a few selfies, but it was gorgeous out and I got dressed! :P

Afterwards, we walked downtown and went to the aquarium. Cute little place, but not as cool as the science museum. Then we did a little shopping, stopped to have coffee, and watched a movie.

Dinner was fajita salad and then it was time for me to go home. I can tell I am bloated from some salty food, but overall a good active day.Tomorrow is check in #2 and I plan to get in a run before that. 

Happy Halloween! Another Month Ends

Its been 4 months since I started blogging. Yeah I know....crazy!!!! I thought it was necessary to recap and refocus where I am trying to go. I have learned so much and when I started thinking about it, I realized how the knowledge doesn't compare to pounds on the scale.

First some stats:
Pounds: 237 -> 233
Down 1 Jean Size (18 -> 16)
Pushups: almost can do 1 full one
Plank: 70 secs
Fastest Mile: 10:59

Now the learnings!

1. The biggest game changer was nutrition. The ratios and calories work for me. I'm not hungry and my energy is through the roof. I can get through my days and push myself in workouts. Because I am not hungry, it is easier to ignore most cravings when they hit.  I am still a student in food as I learn different cooking methods and explore new foods. I also find this has helped me not feel bored or stuck in a diet. I can finally say this is a lifestyle I can STICK with!

2. Finding balance and not stressing myself out about social activities. I can PLAN to eat out or have a few drinks and still hit my daily needs. It's all about making smart choices and that is very empowering instead of feeling helpless or like I can't go out.

3. Not giving up. I have had my bad days. Like when you go to breakfast, make what you think is a good decision, and then fall out your chair when you see the calorie count after. Or having a few too many drinks, that leads to late night crappy food. It happens.

4. My struggles are not exclusively "fat people" problems. Everyone, including fit people, deal with making time to workout, cravings, temptations, low energy days, busy schedules, friends visiting, holidays, birthday's, baby showers, working crazy hours, dating, social life, etc etc etc. That is just life, especially when you have one filled with great people. The only difference between fit and fat is the choices we make.

So what's next? Putting all these pieces together. I got my nutrition plan. I am working on my workout plan since there's only 2.5 weeks left of the challenge and the unlimited classes. I want to add in some running because I love it, I wanna do some races, and it tires Molly out.

So AM run schedule will be:

Mon, Tue, Thur: Run with Molly
Wed, Fri : Walk with Molly
Sat: Interval Run

PM, I plan to take a few days to do a 30 min weight circuit or conditioning work. I can give up a TV show to accomplish this. More once I figure out a tight plan. Still taking classes for now.

Two additional things for November and December:

1. I am going to try to post daily. It has helped keep my goals in the forefront since we've been doing daily check ins for the challenge.

2. Once I finish the PM plan, that is THE plan till the new year. One of my other problems is I'll get two weeks in and change my workouts and then change again and then tweak this or that and it is just too all over the place!

So goodbye October, it has been fun, but on to November!!!!

Snapping Back is Hell

Monday was pure hell. I woke up exhausted, which was my own fault due to staying up late. I figured my energy would come back once I got to work and had coffee/breakfast.

It didn't. I wanted nothing more than to go to sleep.

At lunch, I decided to have a salad with chicken and avocado figuring I needed protein and fat over a smoothie.

I was hungry and STILL tired two hours later.

So I had my snacks. Cucumbers, celery with natural peanut butter, and cottage cheese. It helped me feel full, but I was still tired.

I clock watched all afternoon.

Once home, I jumped into my workout clothes determined to go to class even if I was so ungodly sore. I figured it would help me get my energy back.

I feel asleep on the couch sitting up and was pissed when I woke up.....and hungry.

I decided that my body was saying rest you fool and had dinner instead. I had a ground turkey and vegetable hash.

Then I started craving french fries.

So I made this drink my trainer said helps with cravings. 1T cocoa, 1c almond milk, 1tsp stevia.

It didn't help.

So I had tea.

Still tired and still wanted french fries.

I thought about the whole cycle of eating fries and knew I did NOT want to do it. Yeah, I would feel good the five minutes they lasted, but I said I was back on plan, I'm in a competition, and I just had a weekend with deviations! Plus, fries would probably make me feel like shit later. Then I thought, well get the fries and stop these crazy feelings because I am sitting on my couch thinking about french fries. And I said NO. We are not fucking doing it!

So I started digging deeper. I looked at macros and my ratios were hit for the day. I drank a ton of water. I was tired, but didn't feel like external situations were upsetting me. No drama either.

At this point, I am getting angry and upset because it feels like I'm sitting here suffering over some damn fries. How un-fucking-fair and I don't remember ever going through this the first two weeks. I guess this is a lesson to keep close and be more mindful of how much I get off track. I absolutely HATE the way I feel right now.

And yes, I am going to bed angry, frustrated and hoping that tomorrow is better.

I know this is a win, that I need to look at the positive side, but right now...I am not there. Exercising will power is not all rainbows and butterflies, sometimes its really ugly business that makes me want to punch something.

But I did not eat fucking french fries!!!