Snapping Back is Hell

Monday was pure hell. I woke up exhausted, which was my own fault due to staying up late. I figured my energy would come back once I got to work and had coffee/breakfast.

It didn't. I wanted nothing more than to go to sleep.

At lunch, I decided to have a salad with chicken and avocado figuring I needed protein and fat over a smoothie.

I was hungry and STILL tired two hours later.

So I had my snacks. Cucumbers, celery with natural peanut butter, and cottage cheese. It helped me feel full, but I was still tired.

I clock watched all afternoon.

Once home, I jumped into my workout clothes determined to go to class even if I was so ungodly sore. I figured it would help me get my energy back.

I feel asleep on the couch sitting up and was pissed when I woke up.....and hungry.

I decided that my body was saying rest you fool and had dinner instead. I had a ground turkey and vegetable hash.

Then I started craving french fries.

So I made this drink my trainer said helps with cravings. 1T cocoa, 1c almond milk, 1tsp stevia.

It didn't help.

So I had tea.

Still tired and still wanted french fries.

I thought about the whole cycle of eating fries and knew I did NOT want to do it. Yeah, I would feel good the five minutes they lasted, but I said I was back on plan, I'm in a competition, and I just had a weekend with deviations! Plus, fries would probably make me feel like shit later. Then I thought, well get the fries and stop these crazy feelings because I am sitting on my couch thinking about french fries. And I said NO. We are not fucking doing it!

So I started digging deeper. I looked at macros and my ratios were hit for the day. I drank a ton of water. I was tired, but didn't feel like external situations were upsetting me. No drama either.

At this point, I am getting angry and upset because it feels like I'm sitting here suffering over some damn fries. How un-fucking-fair and I don't remember ever going through this the first two weeks. I guess this is a lesson to keep close and be more mindful of how much I get off track. I absolutely HATE the way I feel right now.

And yes, I am going to bed angry, frustrated and hoping that tomorrow is better.

I know this is a win, that I need to look at the positive side, but right now...I am not there. Exercising will power is not all rainbows and butterflies, sometimes its really ugly business that makes me want to punch something.

But I did not eat fucking french fries!!!