My Biggest Roadblock

I promise there is a point to this, but a few thoughts that occured to me lately:

#1- It is now October!!...it's been 3 months since I've started blogging about trying to lose weight and get healthy. I went through the other day and read all my posts thus far. WOW. It was a roller coaster read and honestly, some points made me cry. I would start out strong, have a good week, then something would happen and I let it ruin all my progress. I started wondering why do I always let myself give up? It's disappointing and heart breaking! 

#2- I had a conversation this week with my trainer. She posted a question on our group page asking whether you had fat loss ADD or did you stick to your plan? I replied ADD squared; I'm always analyzing, tweaking, and changing. Her reply? How do you know if it's working when you're always changing? 

Hmmm.... good point. 

#3- Then there was a group fitness challenge info meeting. It's a 6 week team challenge from Oct 7th-Nov 16th. This challenge is intense. There are daily, weekly, and bi-weekly items you have to do or you get penalized from your team's accountability fund. Part of the challenge was each participant got a personal blueprint for nutrition and exercise. I received mine today. Do you know what struck me the most? 

I'm copying it verbatim:

"Give yourself a chance to verify and build trust in the process and your approach by establishing a realistic time frame in which you will evaluate your plan so that you don't short circuit what could have been great results.  DAILY: Monitor your hunger, energy, and cravings.  If they are in check, continue your approach for two weeks WITHOUT looking at the scale, measurements or anything else.  Only concentrate on those three things every day for TWO WEEKS.   If your hunger, energy, and cravings are out of whack, we address that IMMEDIATELY (monitor this EVERY DAY).  We change what we need to change to fix that issue first because even if it is giving you results, you won't be able to maintain it long term and then  you will rebound."

#4- It got me thinking. When was the last time that I put every fiber of my being into something? The answer I came up with was the half marathon I ran last October. I ran through heat, super early wake-ups, hangovers,vacations, you name it. I didn't miss a training run and it paid off; that was my fastest half to date. Hard work does pay off and I've experienced that. And yes, it is sad that I cannot say this journey that I am currently on, but hey I have to be honest with myself. 

All the situations made me realize that my biggest roadblock is ME or to be more specific, MY MINDSET. I am too critical on myself and fixated on the things that go wrong, rather than the ones that go right. It something goes wrong, I HAVE to change it, rather than focusing on making the next moves right. I doubt and question everything instead of giving it a chance. I honestly need to show myself a little more love and encouragement. It's going to be hard and there will be bad days; but that will happen even when I get where I want BECAUSE THAT'S LIFE. So my control freak self is working on letting go of those thoughts, the urges to tweak, and work on giving my best each day. 

I reached out for help from a trainer who knows what she's talking about. So I am trusting her plan and my homework this weekend is to come up with a meal plan for the next week that supports plan goals. I have all the tools for success, my next step is learning how to utilize them effectively. 

What can I say? I'm an onion....peeling back one layer of BS at a time ;)