Spilt Personality

Ever felt like there’s a war going on inside of your heard between your “Fit” and “Fat” Personalities? I do. I was thinking about that this morning. This weekend was a whirlwind and I feel like mentally I’m toast. I looked back at my posts, Turducken didn’t bother me, but Sunday? Sunday I didn’t care, but today, I CARE A LOT. I am racking my brain thinking why why why did you completely throw Sunday away?

I gave up. I let the excuses in (tired, cold weather, too lazy to cook). I told myself Monday.

Today, I feel like a completely different person. I’m ready to be “back”, I’m ready to work, I remember my goals! I’ve realized these complete 180s that I’m doing, are not healthy and probably going to give me stretch marks. Plus, I’m not making progress! I’m in a continual cycle of working off overindulgences.

So I started reading through our challenge stuff and I think I found my missing piece.

A maintenance plan.

I know what I need to do when I’m ready to be hard core, 100% complaint, and make progress. But to have that drive 100% of the time is impossible. I have not done it. I am doing much better breaking it into chunks, but even on the Jean Drop Challenge, I wasn’t 100% good for all 6 weeks. (side note: I think a month long compliance challenge is coming Jan 1 lol)

My first thought is that I have so much weight to lose, how can I possibly think about a MAINTENANCE plan? Isn’t that for people who have reached goal?

More and more…I realize it’s going to take longer than I initially thought. Why? Because being 100% on plan is HARD. I get sick of the food I have to eat, I feel trapped by all the planning, and I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect that I stress out! I could do it if I gave up having a social life, but then I would be miserable. The misery isn’t worth it. I don’t want to miss out every event, I already say no to enough of them. And these moments, we don’t get back.

At least with a maintenance plan, I stay where I am instead of sliding backward, which is what I am currently doing. And I know I’m not ok because I’m still thinking about Sunday and it makes me feel BAD. I shouldn’t feel bad! I dislike these feelings because they’re so so negative! I have really been trying to be more positive about the weight loss. I notice that cheering myself on rather than beating myself up gets me A LOT further. I should not be punished for making mistakes trying to improve my health! Do we punish babies for trying to take their first steps? No! We encourage them to keep trying. While that seems dramatic, it’s the same thing, I am attempting something new for ME.

So a maintenance plan….. it’s honestly what this holiday challenge is all about. I need to finish reading these 14 pages (sorry to those I shared, I didn’t realize it was so long!) and figure out what is going to work for me because roller coaster highs and lows….send me straight into a binge.

 

Any good maintenance tips? Please share!

Sunday Funday

Lemon ricotta pancakes were to die for. I did not even need much syrup. Cheesecake factory brunch is awesome, but not healthy.

Dinner was vegetable Lo Mien. I wanted comfort food in the cold weather and I did not care that this photo was being posted. I just mentally fell apart today. 

Turducken Day

Started off  with a 5 mile run. The weather is perfect. Then I had coffee. I was not really hungry and with Turducken later, I did not bother eating.

I arrived and stood near the veggies. I enjoyed some celery and peppers. Then I got to talking ... well I had some little sausages, two coconut macroons, and bread bowl dip. I removed myself from the food and enjoyed 2 cups of mulled wine. 

We didnt eat till 5ish and I was starving by then. The good thing? I only stuck to one plate,  even though it was a lot of carbs  -_-

Yeah and I had a dessert plate. It was awesome.....and guess who has another serious workout planned tomorrow?

 

What I did notice is how much not drinking heavily helped! But holy shit, I am so over food....

Trying Something New

I've been thinking about my shortcomings and how to survive the holidays. One of my biggest pitfalls is keeping myself accountable. Where is my biggest area for improvement? Eating. I'll be good for a bit then get relaxed and some of the naughty food starts sneaking in. Next thing I know, the scale is up because all those little deviations add up.

So how am I going to keep myself mindful? I'm going to start taking pictures of everything I eat. Kind of like a picture food diary. When I think about posting, it's going to make me think twice about what I eat. And feel free to comment or text me when I get off path. Make me feel the shame lol.

I'm going to start today because Turducken is a feast and I don't need to pack myself so full that I'm uncomfortable. So wish me luck!

Happiness is a Slippery Slope

So this week was not great. I didn't even weigh myself because I can FEEL the extra weight! What happened?

The week started out good, but then I got caught up in all the weeks events. Being one of the winners for the challenge put me on a high and I didn't pay attention to what I was putting in my mouth. I'm still stuffed from our potluck yesterday.

There was a small win at the potluck, I had a good helping of turkey, then only a spoonful of several different sides and desserts. Those spoonfuls add up and I think next time I need to chose a few to sample, not sample ALL of them!

Workout wise: I rested Monday, Tuesday I ran, Wednesday I walked, Thursday I ran, and tonight I plan to do TRX circuit and some yoga. Saturday is going to be a long run. The number 7 keeps popping in my head....I need something big before I head to Turducken!

Overall, I need to get back on track, its holiday season! I already hurt myself at the potluck, so keeping that at the front of  my brain when I tackle these other events. I'm celebrating getting together with people, that's what it's all about! The laughter, hanging out, pictures, and good memories.....not getting together with food. I know I don't want to hit Jan 1 and have gained weight!

Honestly, I'm going to try to lose. I know that's an aggressive goal for this time of year, but I'm up for the challenge! I do get a weekly splurge meal and I know how the rest of the week needs to go in order to have that meal and still lose.

Lots of water, protein, and veggies today to flush the system. I feel like a stuffed turkey...bleh! Also, I need to get my ass back to 5ams, no excuses. I think I need to ask Rebecca for wake up texts [pretty please ;) ].

Victory!

So I'm proud to say that I was one of the three winners for our boot camp challenge!!!!!

 

I was so excited and in shock. I had to read this a couple times because my brain shut down. Is that really my name being announced? And in the heat of the moment, I shared this on facebook...yup ALLLL of me out there. Right now I'm like oh goodness and can't wait for this to be lost in my newsfeed, but hey, I'm proud of what I did.

 

So we all met up at Buckle, where they had dressing rooms with our names on them and jeans already picked out for us to start with. I have never shopped in Buckle because I was pretty sure they didn't carry my size. And I was really nervous about this trip because I didn't know if anything would fit me. I realized that I'm moving in to "normal" sizes. Normal meaning I don't have to find a plus size store to feel comfortable about finding something that would fit me. I mentioned this trip to Jenny and she's like you'll be addicted. I disagreed because I could NOT fathom spending $150 on jeans! Well.....after trying on about 7 different pairs, I get why they are expensive.

 

THEY. ARE. AWESOME.

 

I have never had jeans fit so nicely everywhere! And I can't wait to wear them. The pair I got were $72 and there were others that were $150, but I wasn't spending more than the gift card I won. Especially when I don't plan on sticking around in this size.

 

But let's just say, I'm more motivated now to keep pushing forward. I can't wait for the day when I'm at one size and can start filling my closet with clothes that I know I'll still wear in 6 months. That is definitely one of the hardest parts of this journey. I feel like if I start buying a ton of clothes, I'll get complacent and stuck at that size. But at the same time, it sucks wearing things that are too big and not feeling attractive in your own clothes. Trust me, I am going to be on a huge shopping mission once I get where I want to be. There are so many looks I'd like to try!

 

But for once, shopping ended in smiles instead of being frustrated with being so big and wishing I was smaller. Today was just one of those really special moments in my journey. I won a competition, I shopped in a store I never thought possible, and I found jeans that fit!

 

Don't be surprised if you see me in these jeans often, I am going to wear the shit out of them before they're too big :)

 

Sunday Recap

Oh my, where do I even start? It was a crazy busy week/weekend!

I made my last week count. I was on plan knowing that the final try on was coming Saturday and I was talking Vic out to Brazilian Steakhouse for his birthday. So my jeans did fit better, but it is weird where your body decides to let go of weight. Right around the waist band was still snug, but I could shove both my hands down my pants and probably hide two beers there. Anyways, pictures and the winner will be announced on Monday. There were plenty of people looking good in their jeans so we'll see! 

Then we had our challenge. I seriously hate planks, but guess what!?! Our team won the challenge! I also had the biggest % improvement. I went from 42 sec to 2 min 4 sec. 

We got certificates and epsom bath salt. I was so pumped I had to take a picture and yes, this is hanging on the fridge right now.

Here's the end of the challenge fitness stats. And I realized that I hit one of my 2013 fitness goals with achieveing a 2 min plank! Yay! Now on to chase the 10 min/mile pack and those damn pushups.....

After that, I stayed for bootcamp and it kicked my ass. Every station had an ab move and one lovingly had planks. My abs were shot after this workout, but I'm glad I went considering the gluttony that was happening later. Brazilian Steakhouse was amazing and I seriously did hurt myself. I had a hard time sleeping and when I woke up, I knew I needed a hardcore workout. 

So I went out to do stairs with some bootcamp girls. This amphitheater is 10 mins from my house and it was a killer workout. I felt like I was sweating out meat and it made me happy :P

Then I did a quick grocery, took Molly to the dog park, and then was quite the little chef today. I made taco meat and veggies, cilantro rice, almond butter chocolate chip cookies, seasoned turkey burgers, and roasted a spaghetti squash. I am ready for a week of healthy!

So the challenge is over and I was reflecting over the past 6 weeks. I am so proud that I started and finished!  And I got results. I am faster, stronger, and smaller. The macros work for me and tracking seems to become easier each week. One of the tips our trainer gave us was to eat protein, veggies, and then have either fat OR starch. That simple rule of thumb has helped tremendously when I feel overwhelmed by a menu or not being able to find some in fitnesspal. 

I also noticed that I now act like a detective rather than a victim. When a craving hits, instead of just giving in and feeling shitty/helpless/upset about it later, I start going through my checklist: 

am I bored? 

tired?

 hungry? 

dehydrated? 

stressed? 

did I have enough protein/fat/veggies today?

The last thing I have noticed is that I am a much more positive person. I don't beat myself up, I get up and try again. I have my bad days and sometimes I get carried away, but I've stopped hating myself for being human. I can honestly say I KNOW what I need to do. And if I decide to deviate, well, those results will take a bit longer. I'm inspired and energized to keep moving forward and progressing! 

On to the next one ;)

7 Days Left!

Today was a good day!

Got up, had a healthy breakfast, then went to my first official yoga class. I'm glad I started practicing with Tai before so I actually knew the moves instead of being totally lost. I felt amazing after class. So relaxed, peaceful, and got some kinks out. And seeing some of the other people, my goodness! Amazing how effortless. This one girl flowed into a headstand so gracefully, I seriously paused and watched. And yeah....yoga bodies ain't bad either! (I want one!!!)

Then we got dressed and went to watch football at a friends house. I had spagetti with turkey sausage and salad. Then dessert was cupcakes and ice cream. (Bad Shawna)

I enjoyed my trip and it was nice to hear the compliments on how great I looked since Tai hasn't seen me in a few months. I think I needed to hear that since I see myself every day. But! I'm hungry for more progress and ready to dive back in. (Back to my ONE cheat meal! Lol)

So happy to be going home, back to routine, and finishing off this challenge!

9 Days Left! (The rest of the post)

So dinner was hibatchi NOT sushi. I had steak and lobster, the veggies, and only a few bites of rice. I actually was only 40 cal over according to fitnesspal for the day...Ill take it!

I know its not perfect, but I'm proud that I tried instead of just saying oh well and eating everything in sight.

But I know next time I travel, I will pack all my snacks with me because we went shopping instead of grocery.

Then we went and listened to poetry, which was a new experience. I was ready to pass out after that!

And I did :)

10 Days Left! And the beginning of Day 9..

Today was crazy busy, exciting, and busy!!!

I was running late and tired, so I had starbucks and a protein bar I grabbed at the last minute.

We finished our work event today. Jason's Deli for lunch so I kept it healthy with a salad.

Then I ran around to pick up the dog from daycare, drop her off home and feed her, then out to dinner with Jenny.

My plan was to grab a protein shake, but I forgot so I was super crazy hungry by time we got to the taco place. I had three tacos and chips with guacamole. Absolutely delicious, but all the salt had me craving sugar.

We went for a walk afterward and came across this cute little shop with ice cream AND I WANTED IT. Well it didn't take much to convince to convince Jenny lol. So I had two scoops of heaven. One was German Chocolate and the other was Cupcake.

Guess what I saw on the scale this morning? Up 1.5lbs. Not surprised with it being THAT week and the salty food I ate last night. Then I went back through a few posts from this last week.

Seriously Shawna???

Yup, I've been indulging a bit much.

I did go get in a super intense sweat session this morning. The gym had new stair masters so I did 45 min of intervals.

I had my shirt drenched with sweat down to my belly button. Ohhhh yeahhhh!

Breakfast was light. Protein shake and cottage cheese. At the airport, I got a grande mocha light frap and sat on the internet till it was time to board.

Drinking a water now, waiting for the birthday girl to pick me up.

Lunch will be a salad and tonight is sushi. I KNOW how to do sushi healthy and we are stopping at the grocery store for healthy snacks.

I've fucked around enough this week, gotta get my head out of my ass!

Bonus: I was actually quite comfy in my airplane seat. Hooray for having a smaller ass! ;)

11 Days Left!

Today wasn't great macros wise, but I was within my calories.

They tricked me and had pizza today for lunch. So I requested a salad and ate a plateful before indulging in two pieces of margherita (tomato and basil and cheese). Then dessert was bundt cake from a local place. It was red velvet with cheesecake icing and might be one of the best things I have ever tasted. Lets just say I got the flyer and plan to bring one to our Thanksgiving get together.

I did get up and run this morning with Molly. It was so ugly because everything was sore from kettlebell class. I probably looked like I was hobbling more so than running, but hey, got it done like I said I would!

After work I decided to take Molly on a long walk and it really helped loosen me up too. Then I did some yoga practice. I prefer to do it over skype with Tai, but I forced myself to start getting in more practices without her guidance to get better. And I'm obsessed obsessed obsessed!!! with the idea of getting a paddle board next summer and taking paddle board yoga classes. I figured I needed to get seriously serious about yoga first ....plus a good paddle board is going to cost $1-$2,000.

Logically, me and yoga need to become BFFs because I NEED everything it has to offer. (Stress relief, increased flexibility, and strength to name a few). You know me, I already have crazy goals like wanting to do a backbend and a handstand. But it wasn't till today, that yoga actually became EXCITING to me.

My friend Tai had her yogi friend type out a beginner sequence for us. I Googled every pose and printed out instructions. I set my interval timer so I practice each pose a minute, then 30sec to quickly read about form, etc. Most of the instructions, I have no idea what they're saying or how the hell I get my body to do THAT.

So honestly, I spend my time moving parts and seeing what happens! Today I was working on bound angle pose and it says don't force your knees down with your hands, use your thigh bones and the rest will follow. Huh? Usually I focus on pulling my knees down, but today, I said what if I contract my thighs and push from there?

BOOM!!!

Knees were closer to the floor!

I was so excited and yes, I felt like a bad ass yoga person. ;)

I kinda realized that if you're good at yoga, you are really aware of your body. And I'm on my way! I also feel relaxed, calm, and ready to tackle the next day :) Glad I made myself practice.

12 Days Left!

Another good day in the books!

It was pouring this morning so I slept in. The rain had stopped by time I got up and I almost thought being late to work would be worth it to get a run in. Then I remembered I had an all day meeting. The worst part about these types of events? Catered food and snacks.

Thankfully today it was Jason's Deli and I got to order my own meal. I got a grilled chicken salad and even opted for the smaller portion. It was weird for a second, picking the smaller portion, but I always used to get as much food as possible! I don't need all that and sometimes that doesn't sink in till after I've ordered. Turns out, it was perfect portion and 430 calories with dressing (and I only used half the dressing). Yes!!! Well within plan!

The day flew and I made it to kettlebell class. I love this class because the soreness sneaks up on you. Plus its great for the lower body and abs. Why abs? Well because if you don't hold your core tight, you start to feel it in your lower back and that's not good. I know my abs are weak so it takes everything I got to remember them the entire class! I foam rolled tonight too because I know I'll be sore as I get out of bed tomorrow.

The dog got her walk, but tomorrow I need to run the hell outta her. I hate all this rain, it makes her twice as crazy! Hoping tomorrow at 5am is clear. -_-

I keep chugging along. One day at a time, pushing myself as much as I can. The finish line is getting closer and I wonder who's gonna win.

13 Days Left!

Today went from good to oops! to grrreat!

Got up early to go for a run with Molly. It was rough to roll out of bed, but once I got running, I was in the zone. I did my last mile in 10:24. Getting closer to that 10 min mile goal! Refueled with a protein smoothie for breakfast.

Work was crazy and I forgot that we had our 12-3 meeting today. I was not prepared. Only thing at my desk was that darn chocolate I won, so I munched on a few.....which turned out to be 10 mini pieces of candy. I finally got to eat a healthy lunch at 3 and that made a huge difference. I had turkey sausage pizza.

Well after the extra candy, I knew I needed to kill it at tonight's strength training workout. We had a challenge workout with a deck of cards. Each suit was a different move with weights and then face cards were cardio moves. Well, me being pumped up, I picked up 15lb weights for this.

OH. MY. GOD. It DESTROYED my arms. And I was sweating like crazy.

I know tomorrow is going to be rough, but I am pleased with bouncing back from the stupid candy. Then I came home and had veggie egg muffins with a protein shake. I knew I was over my calories with the candy, but starving myself is more harmful than helpful. I just got back on plan eating the right foods. After that, I tried another head stand (umm not smart with sore arms) and then I did some foam rolling to get rid of the soreness.

Now time for shower and bed! Day 13 in the bag!

14 Days Left!

Today was a good and relaxing day.

Eating was 100% on point. The next two days are completely mapped out and I have a pretty good idea of what else Ill be making this week.

No tough exercise today, just a long dog walk to tire out Molly. I wanted to do some yoga, but resting on the couch just sounded better :)

And we're down to 2 weeks, I can't believe it. Seems like yesterday that we just started this challenge.

This is going to be a crazy busy week, but I know I can handle this! Time for bath and bed!

15 Days Left!

Today started off with promise.

I got up, had a protein bar, then went for a 2.5 mile jog because I was anxious about Check In #2.

Well Check In went pretty good.

My team won the burpee challenge. I also improved greatly going from 40 to 60 burpees in 3 minutes. I had mad respect for the burpee; it kicked my ass.

My jeans? I think they fit better in the butt, but really not sure.

So after that, I stayed for conditioning class. I thought I was going to die because I lacked the fuel. I was completely done and then I had to walk home since I ran over this morning.

I got the dog and went on a short walk. After that I ate some veggies and cottage cheese. That was no way near enough food.

Then I went to IHop for lunch with Vic, I was starving so I got an omlette and pancakes. Once I plugged in the calories, I was like well I'm stuffed, I won't want to eat any food later so I'm good for the day.

Wrong.

The more active I am, the hungrier I get. I really should've known better that I wasn't going to wait till tomorrow to eat again.

Dammit Shawna.

Then because I was feeling hormonal, lazy, tired, and sore....I had a burger and ice cream.

So this is what happens when you don't eat enough good food. You are tempted and make some not so good choices.

Well tomorrow is another day to do better. It's prep day so I can set myself up for success. Two weeks left and I need to make these count.

16 Days Left!

I had a wonderful Friday since I was off!

Woke up and went for a hike with Jenny and the dogs, then it was off to Dallas!

I did food trucks healthy this time with a grilled pork rice bowl.

Since it was Jenny's first time, I encouraged her to get the ice cream cookie sandwich. At first I thought hmm maybe I will, then I wonder 

if I could just get a scoop of ice cream, to you know what? I always give in, so today is a no!

I enjoyed my lunch slowly, while she went in line and I was so pleased with my food, that I did not have food envy. 

And yes, I may have occupied myself by snapping a few selfies, but it was gorgeous out and I got dressed! :P

Afterwards, we walked downtown and went to the aquarium. Cute little place, but not as cool as the science museum. Then we did a little shopping, stopped to have coffee, and watched a movie.

Dinner was fajita salad and then it was time for me to go home. I can tell I am bloated from some salty food, but overall a good active day.Tomorrow is check in #2 and I plan to get in a run before that.