Happy Halloween! Another Month Ends

Its been 4 months since I started blogging. Yeah I know....crazy!!!! I thought it was necessary to recap and refocus where I am trying to go. I have learned so much and when I started thinking about it, I realized how the knowledge doesn't compare to pounds on the scale.

First some stats:
Pounds: 237 -> 233
Down 1 Jean Size (18 -> 16)
Pushups: almost can do 1 full one
Plank: 70 secs
Fastest Mile: 10:59

Now the learnings!

1. The biggest game changer was nutrition. The ratios and calories work for me. I'm not hungry and my energy is through the roof. I can get through my days and push myself in workouts. Because I am not hungry, it is easier to ignore most cravings when they hit.  I am still a student in food as I learn different cooking methods and explore new foods. I also find this has helped me not feel bored or stuck in a diet. I can finally say this is a lifestyle I can STICK with!

2. Finding balance and not stressing myself out about social activities. I can PLAN to eat out or have a few drinks and still hit my daily needs. It's all about making smart choices and that is very empowering instead of feeling helpless or like I can't go out.

3. Not giving up. I have had my bad days. Like when you go to breakfast, make what you think is a good decision, and then fall out your chair when you see the calorie count after. Or having a few too many drinks, that leads to late night crappy food. It happens.

4. My struggles are not exclusively "fat people" problems. Everyone, including fit people, deal with making time to workout, cravings, temptations, low energy days, busy schedules, friends visiting, holidays, birthday's, baby showers, working crazy hours, dating, social life, etc etc etc. That is just life, especially when you have one filled with great people. The only difference between fit and fat is the choices we make.

So what's next? Putting all these pieces together. I got my nutrition plan. I am working on my workout plan since there's only 2.5 weeks left of the challenge and the unlimited classes. I want to add in some running because I love it, I wanna do some races, and it tires Molly out.

So AM run schedule will be:

Mon, Tue, Thur: Run with Molly
Wed, Fri : Walk with Molly
Sat: Interval Run

PM, I plan to take a few days to do a 30 min weight circuit or conditioning work. I can give up a TV show to accomplish this. More once I figure out a tight plan. Still taking classes for now.

Two additional things for November and December:

1. I am going to try to post daily. It has helped keep my goals in the forefront since we've been doing daily check ins for the challenge.

2. Once I finish the PM plan, that is THE plan till the new year. One of my other problems is I'll get two weeks in and change my workouts and then change again and then tweak this or that and it is just too all over the place!

So goodbye October, it has been fun, but on to November!!!!

Snapping Back is Hell

Monday was pure hell. I woke up exhausted, which was my own fault due to staying up late. I figured my energy would come back once I got to work and had coffee/breakfast.

It didn't. I wanted nothing more than to go to sleep.

At lunch, I decided to have a salad with chicken and avocado figuring I needed protein and fat over a smoothie.

I was hungry and STILL tired two hours later.

So I had my snacks. Cucumbers, celery with natural peanut butter, and cottage cheese. It helped me feel full, but I was still tired.

I clock watched all afternoon.

Once home, I jumped into my workout clothes determined to go to class even if I was so ungodly sore. I figured it would help me get my energy back.

I feel asleep on the couch sitting up and was pissed when I woke up.....and hungry.

I decided that my body was saying rest you fool and had dinner instead. I had a ground turkey and vegetable hash.

Then I started craving french fries.

So I made this drink my trainer said helps with cravings. 1T cocoa, 1c almond milk, 1tsp stevia.

It didn't help.

So I had tea.

Still tired and still wanted french fries.

I thought about the whole cycle of eating fries and knew I did NOT want to do it. Yeah, I would feel good the five minutes they lasted, but I said I was back on plan, I'm in a competition, and I just had a weekend with deviations! Plus, fries would probably make me feel like shit later. Then I thought, well get the fries and stop these crazy feelings because I am sitting on my couch thinking about french fries. And I said NO. We are not fucking doing it!

So I started digging deeper. I looked at macros and my ratios were hit for the day. I drank a ton of water. I was tired, but didn't feel like external situations were upsetting me. No drama either.

At this point, I am getting angry and upset because it feels like I'm sitting here suffering over some damn fries. How un-fucking-fair and I don't remember ever going through this the first two weeks. I guess this is a lesson to keep close and be more mindful of how much I get off track. I absolutely HATE the way I feel right now.

And yes, I am going to bed angry, frustrated and hoping that tomorrow is better.

I know this is a win, that I need to look at the positive side, but right now...I am not there. Exercising will power is not all rainbows and butterflies, sometimes its really ugly business that makes me want to punch something.

But I did not eat fucking french fries!!!

Weekend Recap

So my weekend started on Wednesday with my college roommate arriving. We went downtown to a fabulous Mexican restaurant for dinner. After dinner, we walked around. Dallas is a pretty cool city with the lights everywhere and fun little things like the statue below:

I took Thursday off and we had quite the day planned. After dropping Molly off, we had breakfast (I kept it healthy with an egg scramble) and then headed downtown. First stop was Reunion Tower, which gives great views of the city, especially with Dallas being so flat. Then we headed to Klyde Warren Park for lunch at the food trucks. I had been looking forward to this all week and it was beyond worth it! We split sliders, sushi, and then had an ice cream cookie sandwich for dessert. Best dessert ever since you got to pick your cookie and then ice cream. I did double chocolate chip cookie with sea salt caramel ice cream. And I heard the flavors rotate daily. I will definitely be taking any visitors here. The park is in the heart of the city and its beautiful. Plus amazing food!

 

Friday I did have to work and I kept lunch light and healthy because I knew we were going to the Stockyards for dinner and a rodeo. Yes, I said rodeo. It was quite the experience, but my favorite was mutton busting. What's that? They take little kids, put them on sheep, and see if they can hold on for 8 seconds. Then they get a score from the judges. Its basically the adult equivalent of bronco busting. I guess you gotta start somewhere before hopping on a bronco. The best part was that this little girl about 5 yrs old in a tutu won it! We also met the craziest old man who told us all about riding wagons Oregon Trail style while we waited outside this cafe (one of the best places to eat) for a table: 

Saturday I woke up tired, but it was another jam packed day. I had a light breakfast in preparation for lunch at my favorite bakery. Then Jenny and I did some baby shopping and after that had a photo shoot. The pictures below are actually shot in a hotel...the place is amazing and I would so get married here.

. 

We also went to a pumpkin patch for some holiday shots. Looking at these pictures made me realize that I actually like how I look. Still a ways to go, but I could appreciate me as I am now instead of picking at my imperfections.

The day was not over. We went to a comedy show after that and then had some late night tacos. Sunday I vowed to get back on track and I did. We went for a hike with the dogs and had a healthy lunch.

I came home on a mission. I put myself through a circuit workout, foam rolled, and took a nice long bath. Then I went grocery shopping and prepped food for the week. Sunday was back on plan.

Overall, I enjoyed myself. I was so excited for all these events because I have been dying to explore more of Dallas. It's hard to walk around when it's 95-100 degrees out. This is definitely my favorite time of year. 

And yes, I had deviated from plan, but I'm ok with that for a few reasons. I compensated by eating healthier during the beginning of the week, I split food with people instead of eating an entire portion, and we did a ton of walking. Not my normal exercise, but it's not like I sat around eating and drinking the past few days. Also, my college roommate visiting isn't something that will happen often, maybe once a year. So I made the decision to deviate and I'm not feeling guilty or that I need to go do a bunch of extra cardio. 

HOWEVER, we're halfway through the competition and it's back to plan. I don't have any visitors for the last three weeks so there's no special occasions. I am going to San Antonio in two weeks, but I do see my friend Tai more often than Katie, so I'm sticking to plan. That will be the last weekend before the challenge is over and I know she'll understand what I am trying to do. Plus I had my fun this last weekend and I can't do that every other week still expecting to see progress. More and more, I am realizing it's about balance and choosing your moments. I think I chose a good one. :)

TGI Weigh In Friday (10.25.13)

Good morning! 

Its one week through the 2nd two weeks of the challenge. Same rules apply with not weighing  myself till week 2. The difference this time? It is not driving me nuts! Why?

Because I saw proof. Our photos from week 0 and week 2 were sent to us side by side in an email. I could see where my body changed!

Parts were undeniably....smaller. 

Simply put, the plan works.

The next nutrition challenge is eating 10 servings of fruit/veggies daily. I am struggling with this because I don't eat much fruit because I have to watch carbs! And that many veggies is hard without a daily salad and I do not like eating salad daily. Wah....but I am figuring it out, there will be lots of stirfry and omlettes in the next week.

The next fitness challenge is max burpees in 3 minutes. My baseline is 40 burpees. I think the trick with this one is to constantly move for the entire 3 minutes and pace yourself to do it. Otherwise I think you lose time if you do a few super fast, then rest, then start again. Atleast that is my thinking right now. Interesting fact about burpees: 

I would love to win this one. Its mental toughness for 3 minutes, which is so much shorter than the wallsit! So I will practice my butt off and we shall see :)

First 2 Week Challenge Check In

So we had our first check in meeting last night. Basically at check-ins we have a progress photo taken in our jeans, our fitness test, and do the baseline for the next fitness test.

Our fitness test was on wallsits. I was shooting for 5 mins, but I ended up with 10:09!!! I am still in disbelief. But it did help to have people cheering me on and celebrating each minute. I was ready to die at the 7 min mark, but I dug deep and got it done! Today I have knots in my quads and desparately need to foam roll! Bonus: I won a gift card for coming in 2nd for most improved wall sit! My initial was 1:38. 

So then on to the jeans try on. It was kinda funny because unlike other ladies in the group, I am at my smallest size, so I didn't have a pair of long forgetten smaller jeans to use for this challenge. I bought pair of 16s cheap at old navy and I could not button them at all.

Well guess what? I could button them easily last night! Still not at the point where I would feel comfortable wearing them out (I have too much butt!!), but progress nonetheless! 

It made me realize that this plan is working. 

I am stronger. 

I am smaller.

I am faster. 

:)

Weekend Recap

The weekend started out great. I went shopping on Friday with Jenny and had dinner. We went to the cheesecake factory and didn't have cheesecake! I had half a burger and a salad. Didn't touch bread at all. Dessert was gelado instead, which was delicious and fit in my macros! I enjoyed this meal very much and I wasn't stuffed afterwards.

Saturday was interval run day. Ashley and I got up early to go to River Legacy Park. It was a perfect fall morning.

We killed some intervals. The last two had my lungs burning and legs shaking. I am loving interval runs because I can see the improvement in my speed. And man! Do runs go by faster! I was like wow, didnt we just pass that? It feels like flying and I love it! 

Sat night I attended a BBQ with my Aunt and cousins. Food food food everywhere!! I stayed outside while it was warm, but once the sun went down, it was in by the food. And I did sample...more than I intended. I was talking and not paying attention to how much I munched. So I learned for me, I get a plate of snacks, sit down and consciously enjoy, then no more munching till dinner. I did have excellent ribs and salad for dinner.

Sunday came and I was wore out. So I laid on the couch all day and had soup and tea. I did think ugh, a little mad at myself for over indulging last night, but I shook it off and planned meals to make this week great. 

There is no point in worrying over the past, I can use that energy to focus on the week ahead. It is one full of challenges with my college roommate in town, my boss is town, and a girls night planned for Saturday. But I will not let it derail progress! I will be social and healthy, watch me work!

TGI Weigh In Friday (10.18.13)

This week the scale says....

I gained 2.6lbs

So I have been thinking about this weigh in all week wondering where I would end up. I also thought about how I would feel about whatever that number was. I was hoping for 4lbs, but I gained weight. At first, I'll be honest, I was like really? Then I took the next step and did my measurements. I lost inches on my chest, waist, hips, and arms. Thighs were bigger, but with all the wall sit practice, I'm not surprised. 

(I'd also like to point out I can hold a wall sit for 4 mins! Can you?) 

I had a random thought. What if I had the body I wanted with muscle definition where I wanted, and a body able to do everything I ever wanted to accomplish BUT the scale said I weighed some crazy number. Would I be happy or would I let that number on the scale steal my joy?

So...my weight went up, meaning I gained something....

but measurements went down, so I am literally taking up less space.... 

MUSCLE?!?! 

I'd like to think so. I'll have to confirm with my trainer.

I have been consistently lifting the last two weeks and hitting my protein goal daily. 

The biggest difference hasn't been on the scale as much as I WANTED to see that number go down! It's been in my energy level. I feel like a little energizer bunny! I am sleeping better and my stress seems to be in check. I am not hungry and I am not having uncontrollable cravings. I can proudly say for once, that I followed everything on the plan and haven't cheated. And I am very proud of that given my history for giving up, making excuses, and not finishing what I start.

So WHAT am I going to do? 

Push myself harder in my workouts. 

Go up in weight, get in more reps, and add some time to my runs. 

More sweat, more soreness, shock the system, and get to the next level!

Goodbye Nancy

So yesterday, I had one of those days. Yup, one of those my world is falling apart, I can't do anything right, how am I going to fix everything days. I woke up feeling unable to deal with anything, worried about every problem big and small, and feeling sorry for myself. 

I know I hit a stressed out point, but for once, I didn't turn to food. I ate what I planned to eat that day and every time I thought about putting more food in my mouth, I said to myself, that is stress talking. What I really wanted to do was curl up under my covers and sleep away the bad day. But I made myself go workout and you know what? 

It pulled me straight out of my funk! I guess when you're lifting weights, busting your butt through circuits, and deciding to step up the weight, your confidence comes back  :)

And Day 9 of this challenge is coming to a close. My workout is done, I ate my planned food, water done, wall sits done. 9 days! I don't think I have ever followed anything for 9 days straight without some deviation. I have to say, I think having energy and not feeling hungry makes a big difference. I'm not saying this is by any means easy, but I'm doing it like I said I would. I am following through on my word and don't have to worry about looking stupid for saying I was going to do something and quitting before the finish. 

I am finding that staying positive and being my own little cheerleader is essential. We had this mindset video that we had to watch/discuss last week as part of the challenge, and ever since, I've become more conscious of my own inner dialogue. I have a lot of negative thoughts. 

There's a lot of can'ts, it's hard, why can't i's, not yets..... 

No wonder I've fallen short, when my own mind is putting limitations on what I can achieve. So I am trying to change that and have a more positive outlook. You really don't know till you try and if I fail the first time, I can learn from that and try again! Because right now, I'm proving Negative Nancy wrong.

I am planning my meals. 

I am hitting my workouts. 

I am being social without ruining progress. 

and I am proud of myself!

Weekend Recap

It was a nice quiet and relaxing weekend. I was exhausted after such a crazy week. 

Molly was gracious enough to let me sleep till 8, then it was time for the dog park.

After crazy dog was tired, I went to get my workout in. It was awful. I misjudged the weather and wore tights, combine that with the sun and the heat off the track....it was hot. I made it through 5 intervals (planned to do 8) and then called it a day. I was overheated and it was time to get some water, not push myself into exhaustion. Next time, I will get my lazy butt up and get my intervals down in the morning.

After doing some foam rolling and stretching, I decided to be completely lazy on Saturday. I watched tv, looked up recipes, and did nothing. It was exactly what I needed and might be sad to say, but I was in bed at 9:30. (Don't judge) 

Sunday morning, I did my grocery shopping for the next week. I laid around for a bit then took the dog for a nice long walk. After our walk, I made Shepard's Pie and yes, this does fit in my macros!

So now I am sitting here, winding down and getting ready for bed soon. I can't believe it's day 7 already! I am still going strong and I know this will be another great week because I have the kitchen stocked. It's amazing how much planning makes a difference. I used to think ugh, planning takes forever, but it really doesn't. I'm finding that I have certain staples (yogurt, nuts, fruits, veggies, cheese) that I always eat and then it's a few meals to rotate through the week. 

So yeah, I can do this! I AM doing this. I made it 7 days and that is a huge win for me. So what's another 7?And I am so curious to see my results....

The scale is safely tucked in the closet, but I have been looking in the mirror trying to see...something! I know, I know, I'm driving myself nuts. But I know something is happening... I feel great and have more energy. I think that has to be enough for now :) 

On to the week!

TGI Weigh In Friday (10.11.13)

This week the scale shows..... 

Confused? Don't be. 

Part of the challenge is to trust the process and not weigh or measure myself for two weeks. 

So I don't know and trust me, I have a crazy Shawna thoughts every now and again wondering! 

Therefore, I tossed the scale in the closet :)

What can I say about this week? I feel like an entirely different person. I have energy to last the entire day and haven't had the 3pm crash I usually experience. Workouts have been challenging all week, but I pushed through and finished every one, including wall sits! I used to wonder, how to people go go go all day long without getting tired? And will I ever have that kind of energy? Now I know it has to do with what you put in your mouth and I wasn't putting enough of the right stuff in.

ANNND it's DAY 5 already! The week has flown by and I haven't been hungry at all. Usually I hit about day 3 or 4 before I'm so hungry that I give up and eat whatever I want. I just noticed that I didn't even have the usual Friday night pizza craving either. 

But what I am most proud of so far, is that I am following the plan and ignoring my urges to tweak, change, modify, mess with the plan as laid out for this challenge. See what happens when I actually listen? 

On to the weekend! 

Weekend Recap

I had another fun filled weekend.

Started Saturday morning off with the dog park...Molly had a crazy good time with all the dogs there. I was glad that she was getting worn out!

Then went running at a different park with Chris and Ashley. Its funny to think that I know more about parks than bars these days. And oh yes, I'm a park snob. I prefer the ones with paved paths, mile markers, fountains, and rest rooms! Though I'm not afraid of a bush if need be :P 

Saturday night, I went out with my Aunt and Cousins for sushi. I did awesome. I stuck to sashimi, seaweed salad, and edamame. I was more entertained watching my Cousins experience sushi for the first time. I never laughed so hard. Then we went to a bar and you know what? I had a few more than I intended. (oops)

Sunday, I woke up feeling lazy, but got all my food prep done for the bootcamp challenge and then laid on the couch. I was a complete waste of space.  

So this challenge? It's pretty intense. There are daily, weekly, and bi-weekly things we must do or get penalized. We also are put on teams, which I think will help keep me motivated. I don't want to let the team down. I also decided that I wasn't going to drink for this 6 week challenge. Why? Because I would rather eat food than drink my calories! And I want to really focus. My goal is to not only finish, but to complete all the tasks given during the challenge, and do my best each day. I'm human and I realize the perfectionist in me needs to take a back seat. Also, if I'm committed to each task daily, the end result will be the improved strength and fat loss I have been looking for. 

TGI Weigh In Friday (10.4.13)

And the scale  is up this week.

2.4 lbs up. Honestly, its been a good week for me. Ive worked out and been on track eating wise. I didnt splurge over the weekend so there was no hole I was digging myself out of. 

So this one, in my opinion is hormonal changes and well leave it at that. I do feel like a can of busted biscuits, but all I can do about that is drink lots of water, avoid salty foods, and work out. I had a great sweaty workout on the elliptical this morning and I bet the scale would have been higher if I had skipped it. 

It's Friday bring on the weekend!

My Biggest Roadblock

I promise there is a point to this, but a few thoughts that occured to me lately:

#1- It is now October!!...it's been 3 months since I've started blogging about trying to lose weight and get healthy. I went through the other day and read all my posts thus far. WOW. It was a roller coaster read and honestly, some points made me cry. I would start out strong, have a good week, then something would happen and I let it ruin all my progress. I started wondering why do I always let myself give up? It's disappointing and heart breaking! 

#2- I had a conversation this week with my trainer. She posted a question on our group page asking whether you had fat loss ADD or did you stick to your plan? I replied ADD squared; I'm always analyzing, tweaking, and changing. Her reply? How do you know if it's working when you're always changing? 

Hmmm.... good point. 

#3- Then there was a group fitness challenge info meeting. It's a 6 week team challenge from Oct 7th-Nov 16th. This challenge is intense. There are daily, weekly, and bi-weekly items you have to do or you get penalized from your team's accountability fund. Part of the challenge was each participant got a personal blueprint for nutrition and exercise. I received mine today. Do you know what struck me the most? 

I'm copying it verbatim:

"Give yourself a chance to verify and build trust in the process and your approach by establishing a realistic time frame in which you will evaluate your plan so that you don't short circuit what could have been great results.  DAILY: Monitor your hunger, energy, and cravings.  If they are in check, continue your approach for two weeks WITHOUT looking at the scale, measurements or anything else.  Only concentrate on those three things every day for TWO WEEKS.   If your hunger, energy, and cravings are out of whack, we address that IMMEDIATELY (monitor this EVERY DAY).  We change what we need to change to fix that issue first because even if it is giving you results, you won't be able to maintain it long term and then  you will rebound."

#4- It got me thinking. When was the last time that I put every fiber of my being into something? The answer I came up with was the half marathon I ran last October. I ran through heat, super early wake-ups, hangovers,vacations, you name it. I didn't miss a training run and it paid off; that was my fastest half to date. Hard work does pay off and I've experienced that. And yes, it is sad that I cannot say this journey that I am currently on, but hey I have to be honest with myself. 

All the situations made me realize that my biggest roadblock is ME or to be more specific, MY MINDSET. I am too critical on myself and fixated on the things that go wrong, rather than the ones that go right. It something goes wrong, I HAVE to change it, rather than focusing on making the next moves right. I doubt and question everything instead of giving it a chance. I honestly need to show myself a little more love and encouragement. It's going to be hard and there will be bad days; but that will happen even when I get where I want BECAUSE THAT'S LIFE. So my control freak self is working on letting go of those thoughts, the urges to tweak, and work on giving my best each day. 

I reached out for help from a trainer who knows what she's talking about. So I am trusting her plan and my homework this weekend is to come up with a meal plan for the next week that supports plan goals. I have all the tools for success, my next step is learning how to utilize them effectively. 

What can I say? I'm an onion....peeling back one layer of BS at a time ;)