Spilt Personality

Ever felt like there’s a war going on inside of your heard between your “Fit” and “Fat” Personalities? I do. I was thinking about that this morning. This weekend was a whirlwind and I feel like mentally I’m toast. I looked back at my posts, Turducken didn’t bother me, but Sunday? Sunday I didn’t care, but today, I CARE A LOT. I am racking my brain thinking why why why did you completely throw Sunday away?

I gave up. I let the excuses in (tired, cold weather, too lazy to cook). I told myself Monday.

Today, I feel like a completely different person. I’m ready to be “back”, I’m ready to work, I remember my goals! I’ve realized these complete 180s that I’m doing, are not healthy and probably going to give me stretch marks. Plus, I’m not making progress! I’m in a continual cycle of working off overindulgences.

So I started reading through our challenge stuff and I think I found my missing piece.

A maintenance plan.

I know what I need to do when I’m ready to be hard core, 100% complaint, and make progress. But to have that drive 100% of the time is impossible. I have not done it. I am doing much better breaking it into chunks, but even on the Jean Drop Challenge, I wasn’t 100% good for all 6 weeks. (side note: I think a month long compliance challenge is coming Jan 1 lol)

My first thought is that I have so much weight to lose, how can I possibly think about a MAINTENANCE plan? Isn’t that for people who have reached goal?

More and more…I realize it’s going to take longer than I initially thought. Why? Because being 100% on plan is HARD. I get sick of the food I have to eat, I feel trapped by all the planning, and I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect that I stress out! I could do it if I gave up having a social life, but then I would be miserable. The misery isn’t worth it. I don’t want to miss out every event, I already say no to enough of them. And these moments, we don’t get back.

At least with a maintenance plan, I stay where I am instead of sliding backward, which is what I am currently doing. And I know I’m not ok because I’m still thinking about Sunday and it makes me feel BAD. I shouldn’t feel bad! I dislike these feelings because they’re so so negative! I have really been trying to be more positive about the weight loss. I notice that cheering myself on rather than beating myself up gets me A LOT further. I should not be punished for making mistakes trying to improve my health! Do we punish babies for trying to take their first steps? No! We encourage them to keep trying. While that seems dramatic, it’s the same thing, I am attempting something new for ME.

So a maintenance plan….. it’s honestly what this holiday challenge is all about. I need to finish reading these 14 pages (sorry to those I shared, I didn’t realize it was so long!) and figure out what is going to work for me because roller coaster highs and lows….send me straight into a binge.

 

Any good maintenance tips? Please share!

Sunday Funday

Lemon ricotta pancakes were to die for. I did not even need much syrup. Cheesecake factory brunch is awesome, but not healthy.

Dinner was vegetable Lo Mien. I wanted comfort food in the cold weather and I did not care that this photo was being posted. I just mentally fell apart today. 

Turducken Day

Started off  with a 5 mile run. The weather is perfect. Then I had coffee. I was not really hungry and with Turducken later, I did not bother eating.

I arrived and stood near the veggies. I enjoyed some celery and peppers. Then I got to talking ... well I had some little sausages, two coconut macroons, and bread bowl dip. I removed myself from the food and enjoyed 2 cups of mulled wine. 

We didnt eat till 5ish and I was starving by then. The good thing? I only stuck to one plate,  even though it was a lot of carbs  -_-

Yeah and I had a dessert plate. It was awesome.....and guess who has another serious workout planned tomorrow?

 

What I did notice is how much not drinking heavily helped! But holy shit, I am so over food....

Trying Something New

I've been thinking about my shortcomings and how to survive the holidays. One of my biggest pitfalls is keeping myself accountable. Where is my biggest area for improvement? Eating. I'll be good for a bit then get relaxed and some of the naughty food starts sneaking in. Next thing I know, the scale is up because all those little deviations add up.

So how am I going to keep myself mindful? I'm going to start taking pictures of everything I eat. Kind of like a picture food diary. When I think about posting, it's going to make me think twice about what I eat. And feel free to comment or text me when I get off path. Make me feel the shame lol.

I'm going to start today because Turducken is a feast and I don't need to pack myself so full that I'm uncomfortable. So wish me luck!

Happiness is a Slippery Slope

So this week was not great. I didn't even weigh myself because I can FEEL the extra weight! What happened?

The week started out good, but then I got caught up in all the weeks events. Being one of the winners for the challenge put me on a high and I didn't pay attention to what I was putting in my mouth. I'm still stuffed from our potluck yesterday.

There was a small win at the potluck, I had a good helping of turkey, then only a spoonful of several different sides and desserts. Those spoonfuls add up and I think next time I need to chose a few to sample, not sample ALL of them!

Workout wise: I rested Monday, Tuesday I ran, Wednesday I walked, Thursday I ran, and tonight I plan to do TRX circuit and some yoga. Saturday is going to be a long run. The number 7 keeps popping in my head....I need something big before I head to Turducken!

Overall, I need to get back on track, its holiday season! I already hurt myself at the potluck, so keeping that at the front of  my brain when I tackle these other events. I'm celebrating getting together with people, that's what it's all about! The laughter, hanging out, pictures, and good memories.....not getting together with food. I know I don't want to hit Jan 1 and have gained weight!

Honestly, I'm going to try to lose. I know that's an aggressive goal for this time of year, but I'm up for the challenge! I do get a weekly splurge meal and I know how the rest of the week needs to go in order to have that meal and still lose.

Lots of water, protein, and veggies today to flush the system. I feel like a stuffed turkey...bleh! Also, I need to get my ass back to 5ams, no excuses. I think I need to ask Rebecca for wake up texts [pretty please ;) ].

Victory!

So I'm proud to say that I was one of the three winners for our boot camp challenge!!!!!

 

I was so excited and in shock. I had to read this a couple times because my brain shut down. Is that really my name being announced? And in the heat of the moment, I shared this on facebook...yup ALLLL of me out there. Right now I'm like oh goodness and can't wait for this to be lost in my newsfeed, but hey, I'm proud of what I did.

 

So we all met up at Buckle, where they had dressing rooms with our names on them and jeans already picked out for us to start with. I have never shopped in Buckle because I was pretty sure they didn't carry my size. And I was really nervous about this trip because I didn't know if anything would fit me. I realized that I'm moving in to "normal" sizes. Normal meaning I don't have to find a plus size store to feel comfortable about finding something that would fit me. I mentioned this trip to Jenny and she's like you'll be addicted. I disagreed because I could NOT fathom spending $150 on jeans! Well.....after trying on about 7 different pairs, I get why they are expensive.

 

THEY. ARE. AWESOME.

 

I have never had jeans fit so nicely everywhere! And I can't wait to wear them. The pair I got were $72 and there were others that were $150, but I wasn't spending more than the gift card I won. Especially when I don't plan on sticking around in this size.

 

But let's just say, I'm more motivated now to keep pushing forward. I can't wait for the day when I'm at one size and can start filling my closet with clothes that I know I'll still wear in 6 months. That is definitely one of the hardest parts of this journey. I feel like if I start buying a ton of clothes, I'll get complacent and stuck at that size. But at the same time, it sucks wearing things that are too big and not feeling attractive in your own clothes. Trust me, I am going to be on a huge shopping mission once I get where I want to be. There are so many looks I'd like to try!

 

But for once, shopping ended in smiles instead of being frustrated with being so big and wishing I was smaller. Today was just one of those really special moments in my journey. I won a competition, I shopped in a store I never thought possible, and I found jeans that fit!

 

Don't be surprised if you see me in these jeans often, I am going to wear the shit out of them before they're too big :)

 

Sunday Recap

Oh my, where do I even start? It was a crazy busy week/weekend!

I made my last week count. I was on plan knowing that the final try on was coming Saturday and I was talking Vic out to Brazilian Steakhouse for his birthday. So my jeans did fit better, but it is weird where your body decides to let go of weight. Right around the waist band was still snug, but I could shove both my hands down my pants and probably hide two beers there. Anyways, pictures and the winner will be announced on Monday. There were plenty of people looking good in their jeans so we'll see! 

Then we had our challenge. I seriously hate planks, but guess what!?! Our team won the challenge! I also had the biggest % improvement. I went from 42 sec to 2 min 4 sec. 

We got certificates and epsom bath salt. I was so pumped I had to take a picture and yes, this is hanging on the fridge right now.

Here's the end of the challenge fitness stats. And I realized that I hit one of my 2013 fitness goals with achieveing a 2 min plank! Yay! Now on to chase the 10 min/mile pack and those damn pushups.....

After that, I stayed for bootcamp and it kicked my ass. Every station had an ab move and one lovingly had planks. My abs were shot after this workout, but I'm glad I went considering the gluttony that was happening later. Brazilian Steakhouse was amazing and I seriously did hurt myself. I had a hard time sleeping and when I woke up, I knew I needed a hardcore workout. 

So I went out to do stairs with some bootcamp girls. This amphitheater is 10 mins from my house and it was a killer workout. I felt like I was sweating out meat and it made me happy :P

Then I did a quick grocery, took Molly to the dog park, and then was quite the little chef today. I made taco meat and veggies, cilantro rice, almond butter chocolate chip cookies, seasoned turkey burgers, and roasted a spaghetti squash. I am ready for a week of healthy!

So the challenge is over and I was reflecting over the past 6 weeks. I am so proud that I started and finished!  And I got results. I am faster, stronger, and smaller. The macros work for me and tracking seems to become easier each week. One of the tips our trainer gave us was to eat protein, veggies, and then have either fat OR starch. That simple rule of thumb has helped tremendously when I feel overwhelmed by a menu or not being able to find some in fitnesspal. 

I also noticed that I now act like a detective rather than a victim. When a craving hits, instead of just giving in and feeling shitty/helpless/upset about it later, I start going through my checklist: 

am I bored? 

tired?

 hungry? 

dehydrated? 

stressed? 

did I have enough protein/fat/veggies today?

The last thing I have noticed is that I am a much more positive person. I don't beat myself up, I get up and try again. I have my bad days and sometimes I get carried away, but I've stopped hating myself for being human. I can honestly say I KNOW what I need to do. And if I decide to deviate, well, those results will take a bit longer. I'm inspired and energized to keep moving forward and progressing! 

On to the next one ;)