Weekend Recap

I had an excellent Fit Weekend. Friday I did  laundry and Yoga over Skype with Tai then relaxed on the couch in preparation for Saturday's early morning run. Ill be honest, when my alarm went off at 630am, it was rough.

Ashley and I pre-run

It was great to run with Ashley and Chris today. It dawned on me how much I missed running with friends! It's a great time to catch up on each other's life and I didn't think about what mile we were at till it was about time to turn around. After running, we went to have breakfast. The Corner Bakery has a great healthy menu and good coffee. I tried chicken apple sausage for the first time. It was nice to sit outside without sweating and enjoy the cool air. I ran some errands and then took Molly on a long walk. 

Saturday night I did some baking:

Left: Banana Pecan Granola 

Right: Cocoa Almond Coconut Granola

Sunday was another early morning (thanks Molly). I had granola for breakfast (yum) then went to the gym to lift. Sunday mornings were busier than I thought, but I didn't have to wait for any equipment. I love listening to loud music (I'll prolly be deaf by 45) and reuniting with long lost muscles. 

Post workout. I am SORE!!! It's amazing how lifting "discovers" those muscles I didn't know exist. And it tires them! My arms were shaking on the last few sets and by pull-ups, my upper body was completely done. My lower body is where most of my strength is, but deadlifts and squatting with a bar on your back is no joke. 

Then I took Molly to the dog park because there's no way my legs could take a long walk. After tiring out the pup, we relaxed on the couch for a bit and took a nap. Then I made some dinner and we went for a walk because I needed to stretch out. I already know getting out of bed tomorrow is going to be murder. I can't wait to wake up a every muscle says "help me!" when I try to move.

Overall, I enjoyed a quiet, relaxed weekend. I worked out and stayed on track food-wise. 

Sleep is going to be good tonight :)

TGI Weigh In Friday (9.27.13)

This week the scale says...

I gained 1.2 lbs. I'm not surprised.. I have been extremely exhausted lately so after getting some advice, I took the week off from working out and increased my calorie intake. I've also been sleeping 9.5 hours a night and it wasn't until Thursday that I felt like my normal self. 

It happens. I needed to recover and now I can continue moving forward. I think adding in the yoga will help me not get to the exhausted point before I realize that I need to back off. 

On to the weekend!

To Cheat or Not to Cheat?

Why is it called a cheat meal in the first place? There's nothing about the word "cheat" that's positive. Plus, it also infers that whatever I'm cheating on has become unbearable in some fashion. So in a sense, I'm saying that my healthy eating isn't all that enjoyable. And we wonder why people fail.

I started thinking about my cheat meals and what foods I tend to eat: italian, mexican, pizza, chinese, dessert, etc. What do these have in common? Carbs, carbs, carbs, and fat, fat, fat! I always eat way too much and now I'm wondering if I really enjoyed it. I know I hate feeling like my stomach is going to burst and that I can't breathe. I hate feeling uncomfortable and barely able to move. 

It feels like cheating is saying it's ok to be the old unhealthy me JUST THIS ONE TIME, then I'm supposed to do a 180 back to healthy me. I know plenty of people that can have their cheat and bounce right back, and I envy you. A cheat meal for me is the slippery slope right down to the gates of the food demon. Once the food demon is out, I can easily wreck a whole week of progress. Then the guilt that comes after is crippling. It makes me negative, it makes me doubt myself, and I slip even further. And I've done it to myself enough times that I want to smack myself for just recognizing this pattern.

I confess. I can't have a cheat meal without it unraveling my progress. So why am I banging my head against the wall each week and hell, in some form, torturing myself with this? It's kinda like expecting myself to be able to do a full unassisted pull-up right now. I know I can't do one because I haven't built the necessary strength needed to accomplish that. Like pull-ups, I haven't built the necessary will power/discipline to cheat and jump right back on plan. I can''t do it and that is my confession for the day. 

So what am I going to do? Build upon what I know. I know that I can follow plan and I exercise to build a bank of calories for the weekend. I know a few low calorie cocktail options that don't derail progress or make me crazy like food does. I have a smartphone and can find healthy choices for restaurants OR I have good friends who I can ask for help on what's best for certain types of food. I also discovered recently that I can make mini-pizzas on a sandwich thin and that squashes my pizza craving. 

Maybe one day, I'll be one of those people who can cheat and jump right back on plan. But honestly, have you ever thought about how many different options we have in food with cultures across the world and access to anything via the internet? And I live in Dallas, they don't call it the metroplex for nothing; there's all types of people and food here if you're willing to explore. Maybe it's just time to let go of the known and starting seeing what else is out there. 

Sunday Recap

This was a good little weekend. I hung out at Jenny's on Friday. As all of us girls are standing around the kitchen talking, I can se. Chocolate cookies just laying on the island. I felt mySelf drooling so I went to my purse and got my pear and cucumbers. After I munched on those, I forgot about the cookies and was focused on catching up. I need to carry fruits and veggies more often, took much longer to eat and more filling than a granola or protein bar.

Saturday came bright, early, and deliciously chilly. I was tired, so I decided on dog park first.

 Molly had a great time. Then it was nap time. For both of us :)

I still got my run in! What I am realizing is to put my longer cardio days on the same days that I tend to eat more so those extra calories are put to good use. So Friday and Saturday are all about some cardio. 5 miles this Saturday, it was rough toward the end, but nice to break out the Camelback! I need to look at doing some races soon.

Saturday night, Ashley invited me out to play Bunco (a dice game). So fun! I had a glass of wine, some snacks, then switched to water. I did get into trouble with some dip because I was sitting in front of it. I quickly moved away once I realized I was still mumunching on it. Crazy how much you don't pay attention when distracted! 

Sunday, I went to Cracker Barrel with Vic because I wanted pancakes and I had calories to splurge! So splurge I did and then I was so umcomfortable. I thought to myself, why did I do this? I couldve had one pancake and called it a day. I did not need 3. 

I got in a lift later, then it was couch time till bed. I passed out at 830. 

TGIF Weigh In (9.20.13)

And the scale says......

A 2.6 Lb loss. Yessss!

I'm sure being sick earlier this week and not eating had something to do with this, but I have been diligently sticking to plan since I felt better on Wednesday. I even went out to dinner with friends, had sushi (avoiding the rolls full of sauces and fried batter), and didn't wreck my progress. This is my definition of success (living life and still making progress!) and my confidence received a nice little boost :)

 What I have started finally wrapping my brain around is that this is normal life for me. It's not temporary, a phase, or a fluke. There is no going back to how I used to be unless I want to gain all the weight back. And I'm OK with that. Before I felt deprived because immediately it felt like I couldn't eat ANYTHING once I started looking at labels to really see what I was putting in my body. There's a blog I love to follow called "A Black Girl's Guide to Weight Loss". The author chronicles her journey from 330 lbs to training for a competition. She is amazing and reading her posts is like finding someone who could finally put my thoughts into words. Here's the one that came to mind as I was writing this post:

"Easing into clean eating is first and foremost about re-framing the situation -- you are not limiting yourself....you are giving yourself more options than you've ever had before. You are not depriving yourself, you are using your time to explore other possibilities. You aren't unhappy about giving up your old favorites.... you are nervous about finding new ones, but still willing to try. Willing to try because, well, our health depends on it" 

Website: http://blackgirlsguidetoweightloss.com/

Check her out, I do on a regular basis. She has this clean eating boot camp that I am trying out, which actually helps you learn to cook. And there's tons of recipes and she even does meal plans. 

So I shall continue to chug along and tackle the weekend. Looking to be low key and not making too many commitments. The temperature will be in the 80s, so going to spend some time outdoors. 

And I moved another pin! 

In the double digits! 

10 down, 57 to go! 

Stress (Part 2)

Fun Fact of the Day: 

Did you know that watching T.V. is not an effective way to deal with stress? 

Why? Because rather than engaging oneself, it actually causes you to zone out. So you never really deal with what was causing you stress in the first place, rather you push it away, only for it to come crashing back down on you. This is probably why I'll feel pretty good watching TV, but the minute my head hits the pillow, my mind starts racing. 

Stress is essential in life, but the peanut butter to that jelly is the relaxation response; meaning bringing oneself back to a state of deep calm. Instead of zoning out, it forces you to become actively engaged. Based on this, it doesn't seem like I've ever been calm in my life! So how do we get there? 

Well according to this article there are several techniques and the only way to find what works is of course to try them out. My plan is to try one a night and see how it makes me feel. Don't ask me what these mean, I didn't even start reading what they are yet:

The 6 Techniques: 

1. Breathing Meditation

2. Progressive Muscle Relaxation

3. Body Scan Meditation

4. Mindfulness 

5. Visualization Meditation

6. Yoga

One of the things I plan to start doing immediately, is making the last hour of the day, my time to unwind. And yes, I did just set an alarm on my phone.

The article in case you're curious:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/stress_relief_meditation_yoga_relaxation.htm

Stress (Part 1)

So I've been sick the last few days. How in the world did I get sick when I've been eating healthy and working out?  WELL.....I have been stressing myself out and running myself into the ground. Every day, I'm thinking about how to coordinate my day. Workouts, meals for the day, puppy care, work, social outings, getting enough sleep.... I run around from the moment I'm up, then next thing I know, it's 9:30pm and I'm like crap! I need to get in bed, I need to be asleep right now or tomorrow will be miserable. 5am comes so early and it's hard enough to get out of bed.

I never realized how exhausting and stressful it is to change your life. And that's the reality that has hit me lately. It's not just losing weight, it's changing my thoughts and actions in every situation I encounter. A complete life makeover and I haven't taken a moment to realize just how big that is. I'll do great with eating and working out, but then feel lonely because I haven't seen another person all weekend. Or I'll be social and then beat myself up over making some bad food choices. This last weekend, I did great with working out, eating, being social, but then felt horrible about how much time my dog spent in the crate on Saturday. Seriously, you might ask, can this girl ever be pleased??!!? I wonder the same thing ;) 

I'll be honest. I think I'm super woman and if I think it's possible, I get mad when I can't achieve it. I'm realizing that I need to take a step back, several deep breaths (x1,000), and really think about what's possible in 24 hours. I've read several articles about stress and it has been eye opening to see that stress has been affecting me mentally (anxious/racing thoughts, worrying), emotionally (agitated, feeling overwhelmed), and physically (acne, shoulder/neck pain, hard time sleeping).

Your body reacts to stress the same way, whether it is physical or psychological. I have my body in a constant alert state and that is not at all healthy. It raises blood pressure, suppresses your immune system (hello being sick!), causes sleep problems, and can lead to obesity and depression. Depression  does run in my family and I can personally attest to the fact that stress eating was part of how I gained weight. Plus this becomes another nasty little spiral when you think about not sleeping, means my body doesn't recover, means my workout suffer, means my weight loss efforts suffer, I lose momentum, and then I mentally freak out over that. 

Stress is an issue for everyone and I have to admit, a very big one for me. There's no way I'm going to get rid of it completely, but I can change my response to it. I have several other articles to read about stress management so I can learn healthy ways to cope because I know food is not the answer. I'll share as I read and try some of these out because I seriously may give myself a heart attack if I don't figure this out!

TGIF Weigh In (9.13.13)

And this week the scale shows.....

2.2 lb loss! Back in the right direction :)

What can I say? It feels good to be back. My entire body is sore and for once, I am not complaining. Sore is progress! 

I am looking forward to a long dog walk and relaxing on the couch tonight. If I make it to 10pm, I will be shocked. 

I made a meal plan and went grocery shopping on Wednesday while Molly was at daycare. So the apartment is stocked with healthy food and I am excited to try a few new recipes. 

Looking forward to the weekend! 

Happy Friday!

What 28 Feels Like

Eric asked me how does it feel to be 28? I gave some unintelligent answer at that point (ok ok I was hungover at brunch, my bad), but for some reason, this question has stuck with me. I started thinking about my 20s as a whole and how much I've changed!

Me at 20 (top) vs. Me at 28 (bottom)

Fun fact? I'm actually 20lbs lighter in the first picture. But in the second? I have more muscle, more power, more speed, more endurance, and more confidence. 28 would kick 20's ass.

I read an article about visualization and how athletes have utilized this technique to set themselves apart from their competition. Marathoners have been known to run their entire races in their minds as they train and as a fellow runner, I know how important mental toughness is. Sometimes, it's the only thing that keeps you together. So I started thinking about what life would be like as "Fit Shawna".

"Fit Shawna" would be into everything. Always trying a new class and constantly challenging herself. She would be active on the weekends with activities not centered on drinking. She would be a whiz in the kitchen, cooking up tasty, but healthy meals. She would be social and enjoy all that life has to offer without guilt. "Fit Shawna" would have a strong body that she loves. She would be happy with who she is and not concerned with the people who didn't appreciate her lifestyle.

What I came to realize is that I don't have to be a certain weight to start living a "Fit Shawna" life. Rather, I needed to start making more changes so that real life mirrors what I imagine. I am going to continue to slip, fall, stumble, get back up, crawl, walk, run forward until I hit my goals. In the past, after slipping up like I did in August, I would've said the hell with it and bring on the pizza. But I'm not. I'm changing my mindset and going to fight harder. I am ready to stop trying to find an easier road and to make the necessary sacrifices CHANGES to keep this promise of getting healthy to myself.

So what does 28 feel like? 

That the pieces are falling into place

for the best Shawna yet. 

Sunday Recap - Goodbye August

So I had more than a bad day. Monday, I just fell apart. After all the celebrations, I was wiped out mentally and physically. All I wanted was to lay on the couch, watch tv, and eat pizza. So I did after a 5 mile walk with Molly. I woke up Tuesday feeling exhausted, moody, and emotional. I had doughnuts for breakfast and a pint of ice cream for dessert. Wednesday...well I've been eating chocolate covered strawberries from the edible arrangement I received from Tai. I'm a mess. 

I've been thinking about August as a whole. From a weight loss perspective, I went backward rather than forward. I did so well in July that I figured August would be the same. A+ B =C right??  But sometimes weightloss spits out A+B = F. And it frustrated the hell out of me. In my head, I kept thinking that I should be here instead of there, which put more pressure on myself to lose weight. Then when I saw the result, it made me feel worse, more pressure to do better, and here we go again. 

So what did I learn? I put way too much pressure on myself based on where I "think" I should be at this point. I've gained this weight over YEARS, why do I think it's reasonable to change my habits and make no mistakes? It's not. This is what stumbling looks like. 

I also learned that I have an "all or nothing personality" and moderation is a struggle for me. I'm either all about something or I could care less. I was obsessed about running, ran myself into a injury and am now just getting that racing twitch back. I can go hardcore with sticking to my plan, get myself so crazy about the things I can't have, that I lose it and go eat whatever I want for a week.

So for September, the focus is nutrition and learning moderation. It is so hard for me to have a cheat and then jump back to plan, that I'd rather not cheat at all. That is so not realistic and I think this is the key to my struggle in losing weight. 

I thought about how I got to the point where I regularly go to the gym. I stumbled a lot at first. I was intimidated by other gym goers and thought that people were staring at me wondering why I was at the gym. Some days, I made it to the gym, but sat in the parking lot because I was too scared to go in. To combat that, I bought some simple weights and workout dvds. If I didn't have the courage for the gym, I worked out at home. It was hard, frustrating, humbling, but I kept at it. To be honest, I hated working out at first. I hate being reminded of my body's limitations and I hate how there were mirrors EVERYWHERE in the gym. I can't pinpoint when it became enjoyable or my source of stress relief, but a  few early moments that stick out to me: when my trainer told me I was one of his strongest girls, when a random woman from the gym complimented me on my progress, and the first time I ran 3 miles straight outside. I took these things and built upon them. They made me feel good and I noticed the other benefits. Stress relief, better sleep, better digestion, looser clothes etc. 

I plan to do the same with nutrition. Start at the bottom and really educate myself about food. It's just like understanding what muscle groups a certain exercise works and how to execute with correct form. I can tell you with all the food philosophies out there, clean eating is the one that resonates closely with me. You need all types of food and the best food is the most natural. I have several cookbooks out there that I will be digging in for the next month. I also want to learn about the different nutrients in certain foods and also what they help with. What can I eat the combat certain cravings or moods? Am I eating a balance a diet and is it helping or hindering my performance in the gym? 

I've also been thinking about cheat meals. Why do I feel like I need them? If I made healthy delicious food, would I still feel that way? Or would the cravings be less? Let's just say, we have a lot of exploring to do this month. Just like my fear of the gym in the beginning, what other alternative do I have in food?  I've decided that after this weekend, if I have a cheat meal, I have to make it. So if I want pizza, chinese, chicken wings....off to the store for ingredients.

So I've stumbled...time to let that go. When I think about the past, this is the point where I would say the hell with it and go back to partying. I'm not. I'm moving into month #3 of writing about this journey and if anything, I can say I've learned a lot about myself in August. But it's one thing to identify a problem and a whole different one to find the solution. 

Happy nutrition month and feel free to leave me your best tips. I'll be sharing as I go along :)