What 28 Feels Like

Eric asked me how does it feel to be 28? I gave some unintelligent answer at that point (ok ok I was hungover at brunch, my bad), but for some reason, this question has stuck with me. I started thinking about my 20s as a whole and how much I've changed!

Me at 20 (top) vs. Me at 28 (bottom)

Fun fact? I'm actually 20lbs lighter in the first picture. But in the second? I have more muscle, more power, more speed, more endurance, and more confidence. 28 would kick 20's ass.

I read an article about visualization and how athletes have utilized this technique to set themselves apart from their competition. Marathoners have been known to run their entire races in their minds as they train and as a fellow runner, I know how important mental toughness is. Sometimes, it's the only thing that keeps you together. So I started thinking about what life would be like as "Fit Shawna".

"Fit Shawna" would be into everything. Always trying a new class and constantly challenging herself. She would be active on the weekends with activities not centered on drinking. She would be a whiz in the kitchen, cooking up tasty, but healthy meals. She would be social and enjoy all that life has to offer without guilt. "Fit Shawna" would have a strong body that she loves. She would be happy with who she is and not concerned with the people who didn't appreciate her lifestyle.

What I came to realize is that I don't have to be a certain weight to start living a "Fit Shawna" life. Rather, I needed to start making more changes so that real life mirrors what I imagine. I am going to continue to slip, fall, stumble, get back up, crawl, walk, run forward until I hit my goals. In the past, after slipping up like I did in August, I would've said the hell with it and bring on the pizza. But I'm not. I'm changing my mindset and going to fight harder. I am ready to stop trying to find an easier road and to make the necessary sacrifices CHANGES to keep this promise of getting healthy to myself.

So what does 28 feel like? 

That the pieces are falling into place

for the best Shawna yet. 

Sunday Recap - Goodbye August

So I had more than a bad day. Monday, I just fell apart. After all the celebrations, I was wiped out mentally and physically. All I wanted was to lay on the couch, watch tv, and eat pizza. So I did after a 5 mile walk with Molly. I woke up Tuesday feeling exhausted, moody, and emotional. I had doughnuts for breakfast and a pint of ice cream for dessert. Wednesday...well I've been eating chocolate covered strawberries from the edible arrangement I received from Tai. I'm a mess. 

I've been thinking about August as a whole. From a weight loss perspective, I went backward rather than forward. I did so well in July that I figured August would be the same. A+ B =C right??  But sometimes weightloss spits out A+B = F. And it frustrated the hell out of me. In my head, I kept thinking that I should be here instead of there, which put more pressure on myself to lose weight. Then when I saw the result, it made me feel worse, more pressure to do better, and here we go again. 

So what did I learn? I put way too much pressure on myself based on where I "think" I should be at this point. I've gained this weight over YEARS, why do I think it's reasonable to change my habits and make no mistakes? It's not. This is what stumbling looks like. 

I also learned that I have an "all or nothing personality" and moderation is a struggle for me. I'm either all about something or I could care less. I was obsessed about running, ran myself into a injury and am now just getting that racing twitch back. I can go hardcore with sticking to my plan, get myself so crazy about the things I can't have, that I lose it and go eat whatever I want for a week.

So for September, the focus is nutrition and learning moderation. It is so hard for me to have a cheat and then jump back to plan, that I'd rather not cheat at all. That is so not realistic and I think this is the key to my struggle in losing weight. 

I thought about how I got to the point where I regularly go to the gym. I stumbled a lot at first. I was intimidated by other gym goers and thought that people were staring at me wondering why I was at the gym. Some days, I made it to the gym, but sat in the parking lot because I was too scared to go in. To combat that, I bought some simple weights and workout dvds. If I didn't have the courage for the gym, I worked out at home. It was hard, frustrating, humbling, but I kept at it. To be honest, I hated working out at first. I hate being reminded of my body's limitations and I hate how there were mirrors EVERYWHERE in the gym. I can't pinpoint when it became enjoyable or my source of stress relief, but a  few early moments that stick out to me: when my trainer told me I was one of his strongest girls, when a random woman from the gym complimented me on my progress, and the first time I ran 3 miles straight outside. I took these things and built upon them. They made me feel good and I noticed the other benefits. Stress relief, better sleep, better digestion, looser clothes etc. 

I plan to do the same with nutrition. Start at the bottom and really educate myself about food. It's just like understanding what muscle groups a certain exercise works and how to execute with correct form. I can tell you with all the food philosophies out there, clean eating is the one that resonates closely with me. You need all types of food and the best food is the most natural. I have several cookbooks out there that I will be digging in for the next month. I also want to learn about the different nutrients in certain foods and also what they help with. What can I eat the combat certain cravings or moods? Am I eating a balance a diet and is it helping or hindering my performance in the gym? 

I've also been thinking about cheat meals. Why do I feel like I need them? If I made healthy delicious food, would I still feel that way? Or would the cravings be less? Let's just say, we have a lot of exploring to do this month. Just like my fear of the gym in the beginning, what other alternative do I have in food?  I've decided that after this weekend, if I have a cheat meal, I have to make it. So if I want pizza, chinese, chicken wings....off to the store for ingredients.

So I've stumbled...time to let that go. When I think about the past, this is the point where I would say the hell with it and go back to partying. I'm not. I'm moving into month #3 of writing about this journey and if anything, I can say I've learned a lot about myself in August. But it's one thing to identify a problem and a whole different one to find the solution. 

Happy nutrition month and feel free to leave me your best tips. I'll be sharing as I go along :) 

TGIF Weigh In (8.30.13) : Happy Birthday to Me!

Drum roll please...

I gained 2.4 lbs. My jaw dropped and I was not a happy camper. Then I started going back through my pal. This week.... has been my best yet. I worked out, drank water, hit my calorie goals. My pizza and chinese from last weekend is still effecting me. I really don't know how I lost weight my freshman year in college with all the drinking. I guess that's the difference between an 18 year old metabolism and a 28 year old (10 years seriously!?!?). Lesson here, reign in the splurges. I get one, not a weekend.

Which brings me to my birthday! 28 and I feel better than ever. I knew today included dinner/dessert so I kept Breakfast and Lunch light and healthy. Jenny and I went dress shopping since I had a wedding to attend the next weekend. I found the perfect dress and it was a steal ($17!!). When I tried it on and looked in the mirror, I was shocked. I couldn't believe that was me and Jenny approved as well, so I know I wasn't kidding myself. For once, I saw me in the dress. Not fixating on the body parts I don't like or extra roll here or wishing I looked different. And no matter what the scale said this morning, I am in better shape physically, but more importantly, mentally. I am recognizing my mistakes and learning how to overcome them. What more can I ask for?

Well birthday dinner was at the Cheesecake Factory. Oh yeah. If you know me, you know how much I LOVE cheesecake. And it's my mom's fault. It's all she ate when she was pregnant. And yes, you damn right I had cheesecake on my birthday! 

Smores cheesecake. Every bite was amazing and guilt-free. 

Why? Because I worked my butt off, saved extra calories for it, and planned my meals accordingly for the day. I enjoyed my night out and we did some walking after as well. What do I have planned for tomorrow? A 5 mile run, healthy breakfast, and hike with my dog. My friend Vic is taking me to dinner and a comedy club. I will be keeping it healthy at dinner. He's on a healthy kick as well, so I can count on his support and I won't have to stare at or smell foods I need to avoid. Also, comedy clubs are known for 2 drink minimums, so I am already inputting into the pal 2 cocktails before the day begins. I know what I need to do tomorrow and I will do it.

Happy Birthday to me.... food is no longer in the driver seat :) 

Sunday Recap with some Tweaking

What a week. What a weekend. 

With the help of my friend Rebecca, I finally figured out why I was gaining weight. I was looking at the wrong number in myfitnesspal and actually eating too much! She also gave me a great tip on how to have a life, not derail progress and feel guilty every time I go out. Budget your weekly calories to include some cheating on the weekend. Thanks Friend!! 

I understand the concept of saving calories in order to enjoy a cheat that day, but I never thought about looking at the whole WEEK like that! So I save some calories each day and then I have this "bank" to use on the weekend as I choose. Maybe it's dinner, drinks, or brunch. The same rules still apply, I can only use what I have saved, so if I'm not diligent during the week with savings, then I'm going to gain weight if I decide to splurge. 

Sigh of relief. I feel much better about my upcoming birthday and the wedding I'm attending. I still have to exercise self control, but I can create a situation where I can enjoy some things I normally don't. It really is all about moderation. I notice that when I try to restrict myself and say I can't have this or that, that "banned" item is ALL I think about! 

With so much on my mind and kind of feeling like a slave to my diet, I indulged in pizza on Friday and chinese on Saturday. I did keep up with my workouts, which really are seeming like second nature now. I know I need to start putting more focus on the nutrition side of things. 

I've decided to switch up my weekly routine. I really like going 6 days a week, but I can't do all cardio sessions. It is burning me out. Plus I didn't realize how much walking I do with Molly. I started wearing my GPS watch, and I log about 3-4 miles/day! So multiply that by 6 days a week (no walks on daycare day), that's 18-24 miles/week. I didn't realize I was putting in that kind of mileage! No wonder I'm exhausted. 

So for workouts: 5 days of cardio and 1 lift day. Yup, lifting is back! This time I'm focusing on adding one lift day at a time till I'm consistent. 3 of the cardio days will be runs as well. I'm itching to race again when the weather cools off, so time to get back into running more regularly. I also liked doing pushups, squats, and dips before cardio. It gave me time to focus on those basic compound movements. Need to add in some planks since I also have a goal of a 2 min plank. But the plan is to do these before cardio Monday/Wednesday/Friday. I'm also scheduling these workouts in my smartphone to reinforce that I need to complete that type of workout on that day. 

Top 3 for the week:

1. Water - I'm dehydrated

2. Hitting calorie goals 

3. Getting in 1 lift this week

TGIF WEIGH IN (8.23.13)

And this week the scale shows...

Gained another pound. Seriously body? 

I was healthy this weekend. I did have panera on Tuesday, but that was within my calories. I've worked out everyday. But you know what? I am exhausted and sore and stressed. I feel like I am running on empty and need like 24 hours on that couch. 

Why am I stressed ? Its actually not primarily work. Its life! I have some upcoming events (birthday and a wedding) so I want to work extra hard to look great. I'm pushing myself in the gym and really not giving myself leeway to cheat. Stress #2 is how am I going to navigate these alcohol and food heavy events?!? 

I dont want to wreck my progress. I know how easy it is to get caught up in celebrations and forget my goals. What do fit people do on their birthday anyway? I have always done some type of dinner followed by heavy drinking. And its not like I dont want to drink. Trust me, I love a good beer or cocktail just like any other 27 year old, but I want to lose the weight more. And I know by drink 3, its like what goals?? Then the wedding. How often does one of your good friends get married? I want to enjoy the day and the people I'm traveled to see!

So in short, I've stressed myself out. And I just realized that a part of life, is living it. I want to enjoy these events so I'm going to do just that. Ill keep the days before and after according to plan and exercise on event day. Both of which are Saturdays. So I'll be planning to run in the morning. And that is that. The rest of September is major event free so I can hit it hard.

Sunday Recap (8.18.13)

This week was a struggle with getting back on track. My water, I think I hit 3 days. I did however hit all 6 days of the cardio and pushup challenge. But I had to workout on Sunday to do it since I missed Tuesday. I did have a great weekend with getting back on track and hitting my macros both Saturday and Sunday. Exercise this weekend was hiking, swimming, pilates, and dog walks. It felt good to do something different, but don't get me wrong, I'm still sore. My shoulders, butt, and abs are quite sore.

I also realized that I am halfway through my challenges for the month. I'm feeling pretty accomplished for sticking with it and not giving up. I have noticed that my push-ups are coming along and I can actually flex my pec muscles, which I think is pretty cool. I can't wait till I can do full push-ups and hoping I'll be able to accomplish this by end of the year. I think it might be possible, it's amazing how much easier they are already.

So this week's focus is nutrition. My workouts are going great and the bigger piece of the puzzle is the stuff that I put into my mouth. I'll be great for a few days then stress, tiredness, or just feeling like I need a treat derail me. This week there is no going over budget and I have plenty of food in the house. So if I want a treat, guess it's time to get creative or pop a piece of gum.

So top 3 for the week:

1. Water: Gallon a day
2. Challenges: pushups/squats/dips and cardio 6 days a week
3. Staying within 1700 calories

Hiking? Who am I?

Today I decided to be adventuresome and try a different park on Grapevine Lake. I took Molly to Murrell Park to check out the hiking trails, which is on the northern side of the lake. So when I pictured hiking trails, I was thinking it was a continuation of the trails on the southern side; which are paved with drinking fountains and benches. Joke was on me. These were dirt trails, the kind marked by signs you always missed and full of mountain bikers. 

I almost turned around because this was NOT the hike I was picturing. But I decided to go for it and hope that I didn't get lost. We hiked for about an hour and it was exactly how I pictured hiking on this trail would be. I stumbled over roots, got slapped by branches, and almost ran down by a few bikers. But I ENJOYED it! Everything was so peaceful, the temp was perfect, and it was fun to watch Molly poke around. The best discovery was this picnic area right on the lake. After a good hike, it was nice to jump in.

Molly at Grapevine Lake

Sitting on some rocks overlooking the lake.

It was one of those perfect days. Blue sky, sun shining, and a slight breeze. I could feel all the tension of the week fading away as I sat here with my dog watching boats and contemplating life. This week was rough, but I realized something important. There is no cure for the days that don't go according to plan. They happen and there's only one thing I can do. Get back on track immediately. Not try to do anything drastic like workout more or cut my calories, because I've done that in the past and it honestly just creates more stress. Just back on the plan as it is and let my body work itself out. Every day doesn't have to be perfect, but as long as the good ones outweigh the bad; I'll continue to move in the right direction. 

I also realized that I am actually living the active healthy lifestyle that I've imagined. Yup, I'm being that fit girl that I see in my head. I went hiking today, swam in a lake, and ate a healthy packed lunch at a picnic table. Is my body where I want it to be? No. But that doesn't mean I have to wait to start living a healthier life. It's actually quite the opposite, doing all these things will help get my body where I want it to be. Now the question is....What am I going to try next? :)